Its been a week since I’ve returned from the mission trip, I wouldn’t say I’ve fully recovered as my friend just released another video of the trip just last night. This whole week since returning has been just filled with reminiscing of memories, compiling photos, making video memories and communicating with friends and the team over Facebook.
I haven’t really been reflecting, honestly, on what God has really done in my life, over the 10 days, besides this sudden spark of friendships with a group of 13 people over 10 days.
I was hoping that my life would have wondrously changed in an immediate instant once touching down from the mission trip. I hoped this mission trip would be life changing, it was, but not as much as I hoped it would’ve been. I was hoping for some explosive bomb to happen in my life and I would be leading a completely new Mother Theresa like life.
Instead, the most significant thing I’ve done since returning was getting my hair ruined (bleached) by a cheap hairstylist (meant to be highlights but she bleached the whole head) and getting in fixed by a more expensive hairstylist (cost me a bomb). Now my hair looks bleached ash colour and nothing can fix it unless I wait for the new ones to grow over the next few months.
This was not what I was expecting, not after a mission trip. I was crying for 2 days over my ruined hair, it was a complete change of colour and it was ugly.
What was I thinking and what was I doing.
Probably what I was thinking to myself during the whole mission trip as well. But was not as agonising as my hair.
- I did a public testimony in the orphanage. In front of a bunch of people I know (and hope) I won’t meet again as well as the mission team, who very well know I have a reputation of not talking at all. I got a panic attack straight after in the toilet, I felt like fainting and was short of breathe. The orphanage caretaker saw that I was so pale she asked if I was okay and gave me tissues, I was so glad no one on the team found out.
- I handled the mission team accounts. I for one am useless with money. I couldn’t believe God gave me such a big responsibility with such cash. This was something I was well-informed for before the trip and it was the only thing I was anticipating to be honest… but no the list goes on.
- I cracked jokes, to a team who knows I have no reputation of talking.
- I sang out loud, to crazy songs, sang karaoke, sang into a mic, screaming singing like a girl who drank 10 shots of alcohol even though I was actually completely sane. This again happened in front of people who believed I had no ability of speaking (I will see these people again, they are from church, I can’t avoid them)
- I sat a water slide 3 times, loved it. Screamed hysterically on the first ride and totally exposed my lunatic side to the whole team.
- I screamed high-pitch screams over insects. I thought I was okay with them, I seriously did, but they frightened me more than I realized. I reckon I should be around them more.
- I cried and laughed over a tricycle ride. Who knew it would be so much fun, but only Megan and I shared the excitement and I shed the most tears.
- I prayed for people, out loud, in front of them (actually technically I was standing behind them but they heard my prayer). I’m the type of person who prefers silent prayers, even to myself. I get very uncomfortable praying out loud because it feels like I’m exposing my brain thoughts to other people.
- People actually cried after I prayed for them. The only other person who cried after my prayer is myself, for myself.
- I was thanked for praying for them. One of the girls told me I helped her alot, she said I changed her life. Oh my goodness, I’m actually having trouble changing my own life and here I am changing someone else’s life. Whut.
- I cried and laughed simultaneously 10 days straight. This is a common trait of mine, to laugh and cry, it’s not strange if you are my best friend. But 10 days straight? This is a record.
- I cried while sharing. I don’t cry in public. My bestfriends have never really seen me cry (besides from laughter). I detest people crying in public, it makes me kind of annoyed. Doing it myself, I don’t if I should be embarrassed, annoyed or just bury a hole and live in there.
In the span of 10 days, I did so many things I’d never thought I would’ve done, especially with a group of people I’ve sworn to myself to keep a composure in front of, church people. It’s not that I’ve never been crazy before, I’m known to be pretty impulsive as well. But my whole life, especially since accepting Christ, I viewed church and church people as a place where I’m supposed to be “good”, in-character, quiet.
I don’t know whether maybe it’s because I’m just generally shy of church people my whole life or what, or just that I’d never really put in the effort for getting to know church people really well because of my intense hate for church. After this trip, I’ve grown to see this people as family instead of just “church”.
I think maybe God put me on this trip not just to break me out of my shell, but just to change my perception of things, to discover things that I could do but never really tried. He made me discover my abilities only after doing them, I guess that’s like the gift of my impulsiveness.
It’s crazy how He does things. It’s crazy how I’ve done them. I still slap myself now and then, thinking of the year and the madness I’ve gone through and how they’d turned out, not as bad as I thought.
All my nightmares have slowly turned into dreams, not yet sweet… but I believe with God, they can come true.
Crink 