My heart sank when I saw the email. I dreaded checking the email because I feared the outcome, true enough, it came to life.
I thought I should give an update of my yesterday’s cries, unfortunately like everyone else, we pray for a happy ending and expect a happy ending through prayer because.. “if God is for us, what can stand against us..” right?
Well, I didn’t get my 10%.
The lecturer pretty much bluntly told be that deadline means DEADLINE. I understand his perspective, if he was to give me marks he would have to give everyone else and thats not fair to those who did submit on time.
This doesn’t mean I do not believe in miracles, this doesn’t mean I’ve completely lost my faith in everything and what holds for me. Like I said, this is not and can’t be.. my fight. It’s useless to fight with a hard-headed American man.
I thought I should say, though I was reluctant to, that I’m doing a 40 day fast. All these events unfolded since Day 1 of my fast. It’s like the devil is truly testing me. I wanted to do this Fast and Pray thing for a while, I heard people doing it and my mother did it too. I desperately need a new lease in my life and somehow or rather, I felt like I should end my postponing of it and go straight in, even though it’s exams period and I need brainfood.
No solid foods after 6pm. It’s my first time doing some kind of fast. I wanted to fast Facebook but I got myself into so much trouble after my deactivation as I was an event creator of one of my church fundraiser events and the whole thing with 300 over invites went down.
It may sound easy for some of you. But I love food, my mouth is always in a constant chewing motion, my mum calls it an “itchy mouth”. The first day I did it, I could hear the stomach performing and orchestra 2 hours after my smoothie. Okay, my reflex action would be to grab some cookies and biscuits. oh my goodness but I can’t….
It was so hard. The temptation was real. Everyone says food fasting is for experienced fasters… oh gosh.
Day 1: I was internally crying.
Day 2: I went to bed early to prevent the feelings of wanting food.
Day 3… well today is Day 3.
I’m having a Young Adults meet tonight and it involves food. But this verse I came across in Day 1 made me wonder if it was something I should reveal to the others around me…
“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
- Mathew 6:16-18
Well then.. God knows. It’l be pretty obvious if I tell them I don’t want to eat, or they will worry I’ve contracted some eating disorder (which happened before when I declined food). I’m not skinny I tell you, I’m actually bigger than average girls my height, I still don’t know why they’d worry.. but it’s also nice to know they care for my health.
I’ve decided to fast lunch. NO SOLIDS FOR THE WHOLE OF MID DAY. Just got myself a Boost smoothie… lets see how we’ll last.
I heard my youth pastor said this once, “God doesn’t answer our prayers sometimes because there are greater things and greater plans..” May not be the exact quote but it’s somewhere along those lines.
Happy Wednesday people. Try not to be upset. If I’m not, you shouldn’t be. God is with you I promise, even if you can’t feel it, He is.