The Fault in Our Stars. Post-exam feels. Mission Trip feels.

There are some movies that are great to watch with people and there are some best watched alone. I wailed… wailed.. at the end of The Fault in Our Stars.

My heart was so shattered.

Augustus Waters isn’t even real.

Yesterday was the first time I watched the movie. I was anticipating it since John Green announced it’s movie released.  But due to unfortunate circumstances and awkward country movie releases (from travelling), I missed the cinema openings. So there I was last night, after exams, on my couch, at 1am.. sobbing loudly and wailing like an idiot.. a few months late.

It was one of those books that left me emotionally affected for days. I remember the first time finishing it last year. I couldn’t believe it. I re-read the book a few more times to allow my heart to be won and shattered a few more times… by a fictitious male called Augustus Waters.

Seeing Hazel and Gus come live before my eyes last night in my living room was crazy.

Some parts from the book however felt much better when left on paper than played out. I can’t imagine someone actually blurting out “You’re Beautiful” in real life after meeting the first time. No. I don’t know… it’s just never happened to me and seeing that played out made me upset because I know it probably never happen to me urghh.

But the speeches, everything. So beautifully written. Arghhh.

The acting, casting… mindblown. Perfect.

I know this is a review too late. But I have finally watched it. I am so satisfied and glad the way John Green helped out with screenplay. I’m going to be so emotionally affected for the next few days. Yes I am a very emotional person… even with movies.

This why I don’t watch sad movies with people.

change of pace…

Now that my exams are over, I’ll have more time to blog the 101 topics I have so desperately want to regurgitate from my mind through my hands onto the screen. One of the main ones besides the ones I mentioned in my previous post, will be about my Mission Trip.

My first ever Mission Trip!

I’ll be making a category for that so any mission trippy related things will go in there. I was told to journal about this officially by my team but since I have this blog already running, I may as well do it here.

I would have to say, I ended my exams on a note I did not expect. I deprived myself from all the distractions I was looking forward to (such as the movie) and as much self-control I’d practiced, there were other nonsense that came into play in .. aka online shopping. I regretted and slacked during my last couple of days of study and when the Anatomy paper landed on my face, my heart fell.

I think I spent half my Anatomy exam just praying to God to give me whatever terms that came into my mind to put on paper. I don’t if they were all correct or if they even made sense, I was too sad to look into my notes after that as I was too afraid it will be wrong.

It’s all in God’s hands now. I have to trust in Him and leave all that anxiety off me. I believe He has the best intentions at hand. I know part of that feeling comes in my part for not putting enough effort on the last couple of days, I will have God to carry me through whatever that will happen and it will be a miracle and blessing if the results of all my subjects come out alright.

Meanwhile I shall not let the devil of anxiety and fear get into the midst of my current goals and focus. Mission Trip. This is God’s work. I’m going to put my full effort and focus into preparing myself for what’s ahead and God will settle the rest. I shall now do my part.

Get pumped. Get ready. Lots to do. Very excited. Woooooots

Post exam lunch and catch up with a dear friend. The paper couldn't stop me from getting my long awaited cravings for Laksa
Post exam lunch and catch up with a dear friend. The paper couldn’t stop me from getting my long awaited cravings for Laksa
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Tunes 2.0 + some future posts ideas + church

I’m currently in the middle of exam preparations right now and I am practicing extremely strong self-control right now to do long-winded deep though posts… which I’m very prone to.

My cousins are currently downstairs banging the keys in a very unmelodic tune right now, it’s setting a very good revision study atmosphere… hence why I am here. I’ll make it as short as possible though, I haven’t been the most productive I’m suppose to be, so yea.. it’s going to be short.

Tunes

This song. Discovered it during procrastination this week. I really need to have some new breathe of tunes in my Gospel playlist, so I went to Billboard.com, the most uncommon place to go because I know everyone goes to like Spotify I still do.

As I play this song, all I can picture in my head as I listen to it is a dance. Yes, a dance. It’s a kind of a strong, passionate, contemporary kind of dance. It involves some ropes and strings, the dancer will eventually break free. It is powerful. I don’t know who the dancer will be. But I can imagine, it’s so strong I feel like executing it myself but I don’t know if my knees can take the jumps and leaps. I really wish I can. But one thing for certain, I want to get this dance done. I don’t know who will be getting it done, me or someone else, I’ll make it happen.

Future Posts

I’ve went through some tough bits the last couple of weeks. It was pretty hard for my family. I’ve given some thought about it, I don’t believe my family and I are the only ones suffering this. It’s require a full-blown post which I’ll do after my exams.. I can’t wait. This issue that I’ve been going through has definitely sparked a certain discontentment within myself and a passion to do something about it. I really do wanna do something about it but I don’t know how or what yet,

Hint: It’s to do with ADHD. Yes, the condition… ADHD.

Church

This has nothing to do with a full blown post. It’s Sunday tomorrow and my exams are on Tuesday. I have heaps more of catch up to do for exams and I’ve been given an off-duty day from Sunday School tomorrow, it’s the perfect day to skip church for some productive revision. As I said, my cousin’s are over at my house right now. We had dinner together just now for some catch up at Pancake Parlour and I was bringing up about skipping church to study as I was out for the night.

“You can’t skip church! Prayer is so important, especially at this current period. You have no idea how much it will help. Don’t underestimate the importance and power of prayer and church at this moment of time. Go to church Juanlin.”

This advice was given by my Muslim aunt and uncle. It hit me hard in the heart, this wasn’t the first time I was given advice to go to church by a non-Christian. As much as I have been one of the most religious ones among some of my friends, many of them atheists and agnostic and half my family are non-christians, I’ve been getting encouragement from people who are the least familiar with my faith than I am and yet I get the most heart-hitting advices from them.

I believe God often tries to communicate with us through the weirdest and unlikeliness of people, this includes non-believers. If we are strong in the word and faith, we can hear Him anywhere.

“Don’t ever forget to seek advice from the Big Boss up there” – my Muslim uncle

I couldn’t agree more.

God is good and I am going to church tomorrow.