University Life. The real deal not the movie deal.

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The boring part and library shenanigans

Talk about having a busy week. This is the busiest I’ve ever been. The first time my to-do list is overflowing after a long while. After a failed semester, I promised myself I’ll be way much more productive by actually doing to-do lists. It was a habit back in high-school and it worked. For some strange reason, the slacker me over-powered the diligent me… Well I have finally concluded it’s because of this sudden burst of freedom which I never had before. No wonder everyone loves college/university life at first… until it comes rubbing back in the face going HAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE SUCKER! YOU FAILED.

Epic lols and failures to the people who believe that uni life means freedom and more slacking compared to school life. High school kids dream of uni saying, “we will finally get a rest after all these 12 years of schooling”.

Rest… my ass.

I’m only in my 5th week of the semester, this time diligently compiling all the stuff I need to do and trying my very best to not slack.. trying.. The workload is equivalent to my whole silly year of highschool. What lies. Liars are those college/uni gits who tell you life gets easier. Bunch of liars.

If you’re a highschool student looking forward to this “dream life” and wanting live it up and all that, I’m all for your dream but that’s just one side. No one wants to highlight the bad bits because… they’re legit bad.

Telling kids that you have to spend hours in the library for mid-sem tests and assignments sound boring as.. who wants to go to university now after 12 years of that (to be honest the first 6 years don’t really count)? People go all out for the Pitch-Perfect and all that movie magic stuff. Uni life is so fun and it’s meant to be that way.. “meant to be”. It really gives the wrong picture and I was a victim, I can’t believe I was. I was longing for this “fun”, “whooooheeehaaa” feeling that every kid from high school was looking forward to. I see my assignments coming and be like who does that?

Everyone. They just do it in secret. Those sneaky gits.

They just don’t want to show you because it is boring and it sucks. No one wants to expose a boring side.

But it will be the thing that will determine whether if you wanna stay or get kicked out of university. It is that huge, bigger than that trippy sing-song group that’s suppose to be fun, but no-one shows it, NO ONE. 

I’ve learnt the hard way and it sucks. I had to be really put down low to finally realise that what everyone portrays isn’t real. Not just the media, but your peers. They’ll go clubbing and parties and just highlight their social life and fun-bits because it’s something common human nature can relate to – fun. They won’t ramble about their assignments because it’s boring and you probably wouldn’t understand it anyway. To have a great social life in Uni is like the IT thing. 

I’m not discouraging University life of studying at all. It is a good experience and everyone takes it differently. You will learn something, maybe through working hard from the start or getting smacked in the face later, you will get something out of it. It will be worth it. It’s through these things we learn. It is life after all. 

I’m not saying don’t join anything when you go to university/college. Always keep the balance. It’s not going to be easy and just be prepared to work doubly or triply hard. If you succeed with all that going for you, you are a massive trooper and everyone admires you. You deserve to be the next president of whatever comes your way. Not a lot of people can do that, you will discover what you can do eventually I guess.

Either way if you don’t want to go to university after this, you’ll still get smacked. The fact that you’re still breathing, still living, you have life. Life smacks you in the face so deal with it.

I am glad that I have God by my side through this journey. It is a rough one and honestly I wouldn’t be able to cope without Him. I get smacked by life all the time but He tells me that I’m still worth it and I can keep going and He’ll be there to carry me through. He’s the antibiotics to this deadly bacterial life suffering. Together we’ll be a team and hopefully I’ll get immune to it eventually.

Okay enough procrastination and back to the daily grind. 4 more stuff to tick off the to-do list.

The supposed fun thing that happened last saturday in uni. I think it was Cosplay. I find it odd.
The supposed fun thing that happened last Saturday in uni. I think it was Cosplay. I find it odd, Cosplay in a university does not go well (personal opinion).

La Bayadere Shenanigans

Just when I thought my experience at The Australian Ballet’s adult ballet class were as star-strucking as it gets, today I shared a changing room with one of the professional dancers of the La Bayadere production that’s opening next week. I even got a glimpse of the rehearsal and be in the presence of all the dancing greatness the whole production possessed.

Say whaaaat… Yes I am very very star struck.

I didn’t get her name but she was extremely friendly. At first I thought she was one of the students attending the Pilates lesson that runs concurrently with my class. I didn’t glance her way at all because I was in a rush to change. I obviously didn’t have that long-legged and lean ballerina physique, she must be wondering what I was doing in the changing room when she asked, “So, what actually goes on here on Saturdays?”

I answered her question and this time taking a good look at her. She was definitely not in my class, she didn’t have a pilates mat, then I saw the pointe shoes. I asked her if she was one of the dancers of the company, she told me dances for an overseas company and is currently back in Australia to recupperate from a pointe injury as well as help out with La Bayadere (it’s a massive production piece). I wanted to jump and scream Eeeeeecks but all I could muster was Ooooh… wooow. Seriously didn’t know how to react to such greatness omgoodness.

She was obviously there for the rehearsals, which I manage to catch a glimpse after my class. For privacy purposes I couldn’t really snap a photo of them though I was incredibly tempted to. But I got the chance to see all the prop boxes and tutus (not in picture).

 

 

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 Just suddenly seeing all that happening and all the excitement buzzing in the studio and all the sweat and effort shown by the dancers made me swellll. I ran straight down to box office right after that and bought myself a ticket, I needed to see this. I’ve already seen so much that 99% of the audience probably can’t see and experience, I have to take the whole package and experiencing everything. The atmosphere when passing the rehearsal studio made me feel as though I was transported into Dance Academy itself, right through the tv screen and beloved cast I adore (just that this is Melbourne that is Sydney). I was already living it by going to the classes but seeing actual production prep… incredible.

I am beyond excited! Despite having a mid-sem test the monday right after (whatever happened to studying harder). Mum wasn’t the happiest with my decision and I won’t want to know my father’s. I’ve busted a precious $69 of my own savings which is pretty much gold for financially struggling uni student like me.

Don’t worry.. I’ll work my butts off this week (I’d better or I’ll die)

 

Stay happy. Stay focussed. Stay productive.

 

Ice Bucket Challenge. Facebook. Videos.

So 2 days ago I was challenged to do this viral fad that’s going all around America called the Ice Bucket Challenged. It’s to do with raising awareness for the Lou Gehrig’s Disease or Motor Neuron Diesease as it is known here in Australia. Well it is viral because everyone from George W. Bush to Bill Gates and every single A-List Hollywoodsie person was doing it. It floods my facebook wall and instagram and everything else. 

There’s really a mixed view relating to this challenge honestly. Some say it’s a waste of clean water and some people love it so much that they do it so many times, equivalent to taking icy cold showers just outdoors and clothed.

Personally I find this a brilliant idea. I know. I’m not usually sucked into fads like this.

It is about creating awareness. Of course some people lose the idea and do it for fun. But this #hashtagging system we have in the 21st century, this tool and the key to making things viral, it helped to raise awareness faster than any health magazine could do. It saved so much money as well. (Imagine all that publication costs and the trees to kill for magazines). Who picks up a health magazine nowadays anyway??

Nobody.

Exactly. That’s why I say it’s brilliant way to spread it. People actually donate too. I wouldn’t mine doing it for the sake of making it known, even if it’s just a couple of people, like my parents and a few walled up friends. Now if you ask anyone about Lou Gehrigs/MND/ALS, they would know and it’s a plus point. The main purpose of raising awareness is being achieved, with donations in the process. 

Funny thing was it creates a sense of attention-seeking character in a person. I admit that it happened to me as well when I did it. We were suppose to upload it on Facebook as a proof we did the challenge. Some people do it for the sake of fishing for likes, likes, Facebook Likes. It’s quite a big deal to some people. 

I created my video out of procrastination and I honestly didn’t wanna face the camera talking to it. I hate these kind of things. So on the bus on the way home yesterday, the idea of how my video would be popped into my head, the creative juices were falling like a waterfall. I stripped of my winter layers straight after I touched the door of my home and I didn’t stop until my video was uploaded. I was basically on full steam and I’ve never been that driven and focussed in ages. It just happened from a lightbulb moment in the bus.

It didn’t take as long as I expected it to be but I loved the product and the whole idea of it. I produced it. It made me feel so professional. Naturally I would want my video to get some amount likes, just to console myself that somewhere along the production, I was doing something right. The “likes” happened but it stopped at a low number. I would like to say I wasn’t crushed, but bits of me deep in the inside knows I’m lying. I consoled myself that maybe overnight I would get some more, I was hoping for a hundred.

There weren’t any notifications the next day. I figured I should just leave it behind and just focussed on other stuff and telling myself.. Seriously this is such a fad, you said it yourself! Why on earth are you so worked up? Such a silly girl.

It wasn’t until I got back onto my Facebook when I realised –  My video got taken down.

What on earth okay. Even the notifications I received from last night, all the comments and everything. Wiped Out.

Now I’m not even sad it’s gone or unliked anymore, more of scared of what happened to it. Like this is such a violation of my privacy.

Who was here?
Did someone take it down?
Where did it go?

Beats me.

Anyways. I’ve uploaded it on Youtube because I reckon it’s much more reliable than Facebook since it’s getting so much heat from the media on it’s new Messenger app anyway. 

I am disappointed with myself with the way I actually felt yesterday. I understand people say it’s natural and it’s human nature that we want our stuff to be liked (which is why Facebook is so popular because of it’s like functions). Attention-seeking, no matter how great it is in a person, always exist in us. In the end of the day, God’s opinion matters more. He created me and I do matter. He believes in me and whatever I created it great in His eyes, like how what He created is amazing in mine. 

I am proud of my work and I’m sure He is too. 

So it begins

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I’ve restarted my non-beginner ballet classes again at The Australian Ballet! I was so excited that saturday morning, I normally took the Thursday night classes when the school is pretty quiet and the students will be just us adult casual ballerinas.

But this time, I actually got a glimpse into the studio where the Artistic Director of the company, David Mcallistor was giving a class! Can you believe that? I couldn’t. I just stood outside transfixed at everything, taking in all that I could in the presence of ultimate dance greatness. The girls gave out a graceful masculine aura, the boys the same. I’ve only seen boy ballerinas on screen, never live and this time I actually got to see them in practice.

I had my existing teacher from my previous classes, Jane Casson.

Photocred: Behind Ballet

 

She was a soloist in the company and she just retired because of the birth of her child. Having a company dancer as your teacher is a big deal (well for me it is), I feel so blessed, hyped and amazed at this opportunity. Making the situation better was that she remembers my name, my name, my name. I have this incredibly hard asian name and no one ever gets it right, everyone forgets me after because it just takes so much effort to remember but Jane Casson remembers me.

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The first lesson was amazing. I felt my whole body work, the soreness and aches came in a good way. I know I have been getting a lot of comments from my family and friends on getting back to ballet after my ACL, but nothing gives me so much joy. I admit my knee still hurts now and then but it is my cross to carry and I accept it. I am glad and grateful I managed to go through a surgery to make it better, the healing will come its way in God’s time. The fact I still am able to jump around and do my splits, I am already grateful that the fall God gave me was just a minor one.

He only took a minor part of my gift away, He still left a spark in there for me. It’s up to me how I use it and how much I am going to trust Him on this journey to make me better, because I know He will. 

We’re on this mission together.

 

Pause. I need to say Thank You.

It’s been some crazy few weeks since I came back from my holiday. Withdrawal syndromes and getting back to routine, feeling depressed and happy feels, it’s been ups and downs. I know I had a couple of posts that were pretty emo, I was emo I admit but I realized I’ve been highlighting a bit too much negative stuff. It’s really unfair to the God that has provided so much for me in the midst of all this. He does the little things to me to let me know

Hey I’m still here yoo

Anyways there’s been heaps but I’m dedicating this to the

Bucket List Prayer

Remember the bucket list post I did a couple posts back? I mentioned about going on a Mission Trip. It’s been something I wanted to go at least once in a lifetime. I wanted to do something big for God and just help and give to others in general. In my head, it was somewhere in the future maybe after university or something I might do solo or whatever. Well, the very next they at church, you wouldn’t believe it but the youth pastor came up to me and asked “Hey would you be interested in going on a Mission Trip?”

WHAT. I mean what are the odds, God has never answered a prayer with that speed before, not for something that big. Mission Trip seemed like a big thing for me. I know God can read my mind 24/7 but wooooah that quick a response is like Yo what have I been telling you.. I LIVE IN YOUR MIND. (No it’s not scary, not trying to scare anyone and I am not possessed). 

So yes I wasn’t prepared for such a fast response that suddenly fear crept in and I don’t know why. Those insecure questions came up like

Are you even ready?
You’re so insecure already in church and you want to go overseas to do whaat?
I don’t think you’re ready.. it’s too soon.. way too soon.
You’ve got to be kidding me, you can’t even speak through a mic and stand on stage.

The pastor gave me a week to think things over. To me giving me time means giving me time to think more nonsense. But God bless the birthday present I was given by my new church friend

photocred: rickhiggins

Yes it’s a book! I’m halfway through and it’s been an amazing journey so far! (I’ll do a book review once I’m done). Well God seemed to be communicating to me through Furtick the Amazebalz because during the week I read something about Fear, which was pretty much what I was going through. It was the Chatterbox the Evil that was trying to pull me back. 

Pretty much it was my Fimage ~ Fear of Image. Something I learnt at Supercamp. I was fearing everything and it was hindering me from getting my bucketlist done.

I am ready.

If God says I’m ready, I am ready.

Stuff fear.

I told the pastor today I can do it. They were still trying to convince me to go and I was like, I’m sold, I’ve been sold since midweek when I figured it out.

So yes. Stuff Fear. What a jerk. 

Let’s get this bucketlist grooovin

Seasons Change

Photo cred: Ebsqart

Yesterday in Melbourne, we experienced 4 seasons in a day. First it was gloomy in the morning, then towards the afternoon the clouds vanished and the sun shone piercing rays with the sole aim to blind eyes, at night it hailed and snowed (literally), the freeway was white and for reals… it never snows in Melbourne.

It made me reflect, on myself, my seasons, my characters. (I sound bipolar but I’m not really) I know the common saying of “People Change”, some like it, some don’t. But if we never changed, we never grew and we will never grow. We have to change at a certain point and I know for certain biologically we do, we will never be this healthy with the same enthusiasm in the future. We grow old and yes science is trying it’s very best to try and defy that but lets see how they go.

Last night I was rummaging through my 101 paper bags I had unpacked from moving houses early this year, I found the award and the only boarding house award I had in my whole stay there

Little Miss Chatterbox

I was completely shocked. I remembered but I completely forgot, it was like that season and that chunk of my life I enjoyed the most and I couldn’t believe I forgot about the award. I loved boarding school, don’t get me wrong I never forgot about it but I forgot who I really was while I was there. The bubbly chatterbox, the life of the party, the loud idiot, the one that made people laugh. 
It was the Chatterbox season.

During my preteen years, as I was transitioning from a child to teenager, there was this wave of shyness that swept across me. I was shy and I stammered in public. My piano teacher was annoyed with the fact I was so quiet. She told my mother to send me to drama classes and in group music class she would repeatedly tell me to repeat myself. 
My first time in church youth group, my friend wasn’t there, no one welcomed me and I was awkward and shy. I hid in the toilet cubicle staring at floor tiles for 2 hours.
My parents weren’t christian. I lived in a family home with a Buddhist uncle and Buddhist idols. I was going to Sunday School on Sundays because apparently it will help my character. I labelled my “Religion” columns in my forms as a “Bu-Christ” – half buddhist half christian.
It was the Insecure season.

I hit 13 and went to secondary school. Still awkward and shy in piano class, still weird corner girl in church, still “Bu-Christing”. The new school and new friends will sound like a nightmare for a girl like me. But I met Her in school. The girl who invited me to her church camp (a church I’ve never been) and ditched me (for legit reasons) in the morning of the camp. I accepted Christ in this camp. I chopped my insecurity.
In school I thrived, I was acing classes (to be honest because the kids were dummer). My confidence soared. I was smart girl and I loved it. Aced GCSEs with 10As (okay maybe I was a bit smart).
It was Smart Season.

Smart Season brought me to Chatterbox Season where I was enrolled into a boarding school filled with smarter smarts, it was there when I realized I was only smart because the others were dum because these kids here… were REALLY SMART AND HARDCORE.

One thing constant throughout all seasons. My personality at home. The chatterbox lively little girl who loved her ballet and twirled around everywhere. I knew how to throw a good tantrum, I knew how to scream, I knew how to laugh like a possessed person, I am plain crazed kid. Home season was basically a constant chatterbox season because I was myself. The Boarding House became my home, everything that was only exposed to my family slowly started to show. People didn’t really hate me about it. Being in a place where I unconsciously became myself made me happy, it made my time there enjoyable. It became my comfort zone and It became my family.

Then Uni  Life came. Moved out of Boarding school. I was suddenly stripped away from alot of my comfort friends. I had to learn how to behave in public again and relearn how to make friends and I found it tough.. very strange for a chatterboxer like me. My friends never believed me at that. My family and I had to search for churches and when my mum finally found one, I had to follow suit. It wasn’t easy and I couldn’t fit in. I found myself curling back to the seasons where I hid in the church bathrooms to avoid people. I saw myself awkward, insecure and always felt someone was judging. Something was very wrong. I failed in my academics too. To me, the Smart Season and Chatterbox Season felt like it never existed and I was spiralling into a state of total confusion.

The sudden appearance of my Boarding House award, it made me reflect on my seasons, how I’ve changed over the years in my life and who I really was. It feels as though God trying to reinforce in my head that I made you this way, you have been strong, chatterbox and smart and lively. He knows the current season I’m in is gloomy and he wants me to change it. He will change it with me and He is my partner in all things. He knows that I’ve had better seasons. He knows I can get back to it and be even better.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11