Dreams and Wishes

I’ve just stumbled onto her cover of this Disney Classic song. It just brought me back to my childhood of “totally doing nothing” and just sitting in the loungeroom watching all my Disney tape collection five times a week, with lots of dreaming involved of course. In all honesty, I have anticipating to watch this film since it announced production but it has been months since it’s release and I still haven’t watched it! -cries- Blaming it on my crazy hectic schedule. Just saying, Lily James totally slayed this song and it’s my favourite version of it. Not the sleepy version of the original in the same time retaining it’s classical elements without adding the pop-styled nonsense. (I don’t hate pop music, I just don’t like it when they get added to a classic, they don’t mix right)

Of course, my childhood dreams and current realities didn’t go hand in hand. I’m a struggling university kid now and doing crap degree. No Disney doesn’t portray reality, but it doesn’t mean disappointment. Strangely enough, watching that video just brought me back the same innocent child-like happiness I had and the longing to dream. Yes, given the happiness is only lasting for less than 5 minutes before I have to snap back to reality, I still love it and I freaking cherish it.

This Disney part of me is definitely the girly part of me, sans the ballet upbringing. But wasn’t that lopsided a girly girl, my absolute favourite Disney films includes the animal ones, Simba was my first ever TV crush and it worries some of my friends because he wasn’t even human LOL. I am hardcore when it comes to Disney and no one can mess with my knowledge, including knowing Ilago’s breed (the hornbill sidekick of Ja’afar in Aladdin) and singing the Hawaiian bits of Aloha E Komo Mai (Lilo & Stitch).

It baffles me how some people who claimed to be Disney fans can work at Disney but yet… never watched the films… What?

I’m not judging (or more like trying not to) but I’m finding it really hard to wrap my head around that fact.

One of my childhood dreams as a 10 year old was to one day star in a Disney live-adaptation of one of the classics I grew up with. Mulan cast people… here’s your chance. Jokes. That’s definitely just a wish a heart can make while I’m fast asleep. Nonetheless, I am excited for that adaptation, I really hope they do the casting and the character justice, she better be Chinese, most of all she’d better be strong willed.

Now I’ll be signing of for the next 2 weeks of hardcore exam study (not that I post regularly anyway). Just feeling obligated to let you guys know that I’ll be away, before I return and report more incredible nonsensical happenings of my life and feelings. Hopefully by then, I would have gotten the time to catch up on my Cinderella and Disney marathons.

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Trust.

I know it is a word that’s being used in quite a sarcastic tone now a days. But 2 days ago, it made me realise how important it is and what it really means to actually believe in it and that it actually worked.

I had my Anatomy mid-semester test on Tuesday. I winged it so hard, I was so not prepared but I wasn’t nervous or anything. I was so chilled which is pretty rare for me for an unprepared test. That’s not the point though… I was too chilled for it that I even woke up late for it.

Natural reflex when one is late to a test worth 15% of the grade is to panic. If I was to take the bus to uni like I usually do, I would be late and can kiss my test goodbye. I didn’t cover the whole syllabus required for the test, I knew it was going to be a test filled with guesses, if I missed it the difference wouldn’t be massive. But I don’t miss out on tests, even if I can get only a 2% out of it I don’t care. I panicked out of my lateness instead of unprepared-for-a-test state.

I decided to get on the car. My mum was dropping my brother to school anyway. He goes to school at Kew (near the city), which isn’t far from from uni (in the city).

My test starts at 9am. We dropped my brother off at school at 8.30am. Barkers Road traffic was stagnant. Instant reaction: die die die.

Mum decided to do some de-tours to avoid traffic. Each turn we made turned out worse, the traffic got heavier, no one was moving. We were stuck dead-on. She was obviously pissed at me, she had the right to be and I was pissed at myself, it was my fault after all.

After a few illegal turns, we ended up on the freeway and got on Alexandra Parade. Traffic still stagnant like any other road we were on. die die die.

I decided to plug my earphones in, pressed play on the iPod. Listening to my mother’s scolding wasn’t going to help me further and it was not the kind of mood I want to go into an un-prepared test for. Guess what was playing… of all the songs.

Yes. They were singing about trusting God too. As the lyrics go on “I will trust in Youuuuuuu, I will trust in Youuuuuuuu…” It’s not normally a song I would listen, I like my fast beat songs by Hillsong, Michelle Williams, Planetshakers, etc. I continued listening anyway. I looked out the window, the traffic was still stone as, no one was moving, it’s 8.57am. die die die.

I said a silent short prayer in my head. Okay God, I’m gonna trust you okay, if that’s what you want. Deep down I was crying but I trusted Him anyway, because the song kept going on about it. It is sometimes hard for me because of what happened ages ago during the ski trip, but I knew deep down I couldn’t use a single incident to justify everything He did for me.

I arrived at uni at 9.03am. I ran to the hall. Panting… as I reached.. I recognized someone from my subject standing outside the hall, then another, then another and another one. What? Aren’t they suppose to start?? I AM LATE.

“There was a stuff up with the venue, clash or something, so we’re starting late. The supervisors are late to, they’re setting up now.”

OH WOW.

OH WOW.

So this is TRUST.

IT WORKS.

IT IS REAL.

These little things that happen in my life, these small yet incredibly favours God does for me, just to remind me He is out there, He has my back. It is these things that happen that reassures me He is real and that He is alive in me. I believe it works for everyone, I believe my God is everyone’s God and that He loves everyone deep down no matter what. It is the step of faith you take to believe in him, the amount of trust you have in Him.

No, He never always gives immediate answers. There are times He makes us wait so long and it frustrates me too, every vessel of my body. But He does these small little things for me to remind me that He is still around looking after me, I’m still okay. I swear I know it’s Him, only God can make something like that happen, changing the schedule of the test and all, it’s mighty crazy and hard to believe, but I believe he played that song too.

God is good. He gives me strength to carry on in this crazy world.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 (NIV)”

Mid Sems. Mid Sems. Tests. Tests. Stress. Stress.

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Its that time of the semester, where lecturers dump information on you and expect you to recall all 6 weeks worth of information within an hour.

It’s that time of the semester, where all the energy you have put into the first 6 weeks of university is starting to drain away.

It’s that time of the semester, where 6 weeks of constant routine is starting to get to you and you find stuff to distract yourself away from that constant drain.

It’s that time of the semester , where you try to find a new inspiration and motivation to help you carry on for the next 6-7 weeks of continuous drain, but obviously finding nothing but unproductive distraction.

It’s that time of the semester, where you seriously feel like giving up, you don’t know what you’re doing and wondering if all this effort is going to be worth it after.

It’s that time of the semester, where you do unnecessary reflection on your life when you seriously can’t afford to do so because of all the upcoming mid-sem tests.

It’s that time of the semester, where you start planning all the exciting activities you want to do after the semester ends, you taste the freedom, it’s so near yet so far.

It’s this time of the semester.

It’s this time of the semester I really need to pull my focus back to God, to help me pull my focus back on everything, the goal and the aim and to not stray very far away and repeat the same mistake.

University Life. The real deal not the movie deal.

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The boring part and library shenanigans

Talk about having a busy week. This is the busiest I’ve ever been. The first time my to-do list is overflowing after a long while. After a failed semester, I promised myself I’ll be way much more productive by actually doing to-do lists. It was a habit back in high-school and it worked. For some strange reason, the slacker me over-powered the diligent me… Well I have finally concluded it’s because of this sudden burst of freedom which I never had before. No wonder everyone loves college/university life at first… until it comes rubbing back in the face going HAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE SUCKER! YOU FAILED.

Epic lols and failures to the people who believe that uni life means freedom and more slacking compared to school life. High school kids dream of uni saying, “we will finally get a rest after all these 12 years of schooling”.

Rest… my ass.

I’m only in my 5th week of the semester, this time diligently compiling all the stuff I need to do and trying my very best to not slack.. trying.. The workload is equivalent to my whole silly year of highschool. What lies. Liars are those college/uni gits who tell you life gets easier. Bunch of liars.

If you’re a highschool student looking forward to this “dream life” and wanting live it up and all that, I’m all for your dream but that’s just one side. No one wants to highlight the bad bits because… they’re legit bad.

Telling kids that you have to spend hours in the library for mid-sem tests and assignments sound boring as.. who wants to go to university now after 12 years of that (to be honest the first 6 years don’t really count)? People go all out for the Pitch-Perfect and all that movie magic stuff. Uni life is so fun and it’s meant to be that way.. “meant to be”. It really gives the wrong picture and I was a victim, I can’t believe I was. I was longing for this “fun”, “whooooheeehaaa” feeling that every kid from high school was looking forward to. I see my assignments coming and be like who does that?

Everyone. They just do it in secret. Those sneaky gits.

They just don’t want to show you because it is boring and it sucks. No one wants to expose a boring side.

But it will be the thing that will determine whether if you wanna stay or get kicked out of university. It is that huge, bigger than that trippy sing-song group that’s suppose to be fun, but no-one shows it, NO ONE. 

I’ve learnt the hard way and it sucks. I had to be really put down low to finally realise that what everyone portrays isn’t real. Not just the media, but your peers. They’ll go clubbing and parties and just highlight their social life and fun-bits because it’s something common human nature can relate to – fun. They won’t ramble about their assignments because it’s boring and you probably wouldn’t understand it anyway. To have a great social life in Uni is like the IT thing. 

I’m not discouraging University life of studying at all. It is a good experience and everyone takes it differently. You will learn something, maybe through working hard from the start or getting smacked in the face later, you will get something out of it. It will be worth it. It’s through these things we learn. It is life after all. 

I’m not saying don’t join anything when you go to university/college. Always keep the balance. It’s not going to be easy and just be prepared to work doubly or triply hard. If you succeed with all that going for you, you are a massive trooper and everyone admires you. You deserve to be the next president of whatever comes your way. Not a lot of people can do that, you will discover what you can do eventually I guess.

Either way if you don’t want to go to university after this, you’ll still get smacked. The fact that you’re still breathing, still living, you have life. Life smacks you in the face so deal with it.

I am glad that I have God by my side through this journey. It is a rough one and honestly I wouldn’t be able to cope without Him. I get smacked by life all the time but He tells me that I’m still worth it and I can keep going and He’ll be there to carry me through. He’s the antibiotics to this deadly bacterial life suffering. Together we’ll be a team and hopefully I’ll get immune to it eventually.

Okay enough procrastination and back to the daily grind. 4 more stuff to tick off the to-do list.

The supposed fun thing that happened last saturday in uni. I think it was Cosplay. I find it odd.
The supposed fun thing that happened last Saturday in uni. I think it was Cosplay. I find it odd, Cosplay in a university does not go well (personal opinion).

Addictions

I’m still on SWOTVAC period, exams only start on the 10th of June and NO, I am not ready.

I think it’s during this period of time when there is this huge hurdle and mountain of things to accomplish that I discover the things I get easily distracted to and hence the things I’m pretty much addicted to when I do not have things to accomplish.

It has been a long suspicion to myself that I may have ADHD as I get easily, Easily, EASILY Distracted. I can’t emphasize it enough. It started when my own brother was officially diagnosed with it. He is even prescribed medication for it (even though he hates it and never takes it). Everytime I bring it up, my mother would just brush it away thinking that I would just want to add more problems to her existing ones. 1 child with that disorder is enough and she wouldn’t want to go through the hassle of finding out if I actually have it or in denial that I do. My brother isn’t the only one, my cousins have it too. I conclude it runs in the family so if I actually do have it it’s no surprise.

Hence why I always run off-topic what is wrong with my brain. Anyways, these are like the major things I get on to when I’m distracted to and pretty much an addiction as I get on them on a daily frequent basis (it should stop really).

  1. Facebook
    Like seriously this ingenious thing and place to stalk people even when I basically don’t update myself, I like to see other people’s updates. I tend to deactivate it to try and stop myself from getting back on. It never lasts more than a day, unless my friends keep my password they probably should again. But the deactivation does help in a way where I stop checking it on an hourly basis after that and have it logged off.
    I’ve deleted the apps on my phone and ipad too (except Messenger).
  2. Youtube
    Really. I can’t get enough of it. In fact this should be on top of facebook meanwhile since my facebook has been temporarily deactivated. Wongfu, NigaHiga, that lot of British kids, Tyler Oakley, communitychannel and my dance faves Kyle Hanagami, Keone & Mariel, the list is unending. Youtube is madness. It’s inspiring yet not at the same time. Not to mention the stupid yet genius way of “Reccomended Videos” on the right hand corner, GETS ME ALL THE TIME! It’s a good destresser but recently it’s been a bit too much that I’m lacking stress for the exams.
  3. Tumblr
    Those pictures… Why are they so awesome. The layout of that infinity scroll makes 2 hours seem like 2 minutes, good job Tumblr.
  4. Online Shopping
    I just got my latest haul from asos just last week. It’s only 2 items but still. I told myself that’s the last time because I’m broke but it doesn’t stop me from getting on asos.com. What on earth with online shopping, the material world will be forever existent.
  5. The Kitchen
    One of the few non-web related things. FOOD BINGING. omgoodness. These explains the reason for extra pounds during exam period and why my diet/fitness goals from the past 5 years never worked. The scales go the opposite direction of where I want it to go instead, thanks to Kitchen.
  6. Sleep
    This is bad. I don’t know if I should be feeling guilty about this. Students average 2-3 hours sleep per day for exam periods. To me it’s amazing because HOMG the efforts they put it… WOW. meanwhile I’m averaging 9-10 hours sleep per day, which is the recommended hours for NORMAL PEOPLE (not students). The healthy life makes me feel guilty because of all the lost hours I could use to study. Also, this labels me LAZAYY.
  7. Blogging/Magazines/Pinterest
    Sadly this is a culprit too, along with all the other nonsense when I get bored with the above. So yes, you could say that I am bored with the above currently and obviously with my books as well.

I would probably need serious help for all these things. God help me I mean it. I guess back to the books will be a logical action now seeing that I have taken a break off by typing this post.

I hope the next time I’m back is after SWOTVAC, if it isn’t, I’m probably bored of the above again.

Praying with some improvement for these addictions erghh

Weird

it is actually

So am I