So just after a couple of days after writing my bottle opener revelation post (just before)… was stalking my cousin’s blog (just like what cousins do NBD) and found something complementing the topic! Too good to not share!
Too good to not share!
Fam, we think alike 😉
check him out too and give him a follow!!
There is this growing trend (actually maybe it was there all along but I never noticed it until recently) of our generation seeking relationships with urgency and viewing singleness (or a lack of experience with relationships) as sub-par or undesirable.
There is just SO much wrong with this mindset.
I could go on for years about how much I think this mindset is flawed but for the sake of attention span in reading I will try and summarise. Here goes:
Let me give you a scenario which is all too common for both guys and girls in our young adult stage of life. The situation is two friendship groups of people of the same age and mixed gender for both groups meet for the first time. For the next few hours to weeks, all everyone is thinking of is “who out of this group of people would be compatible with…
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So just this morning I got tagged in this photo on Facebook by my cell leader based on one of our inside jokes.
We had a girls night thing at my cell leader’s house just last friday while her husband went on a ski trip. I had my brother in the car just before as I was dropping him off at church for an event before I went to my own. He was going on about my singleness for 22 years.. just the usual banter among the siblings and I responded with “I’m a strong independant woman and I need no man..” , including all the sass and stuff. He shuts me down with the fact I can’t open a bottle by myself… true fact.
At girls night, we were having issues opening a bottle. Being GIRLS night, no boys were around and we didn’t have the muscles. But my cell leader had acquired this fantastic tool of a BOTTLE OPENER.
I was so excited I even took pictures of it.
I CAN BE THE STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND NEED NO MAN.
Who says God does not provide for us single women?? HE DOES! – Philippians 4:19 for proof.
Okay. Excitement over and we opened the bottle. Then we suddenly went around the room and of all topics (after establishing the FACT THAT WE CAN BE STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMEN WHO NEED NO MAN TO OPEN THE BOTTLE)… we talked about boys. gotta be kidding.
If you know me, I tend to love to avoid this topic like wildfire. I’ve been single my whole life, I’m talking no flings, no boy attention kinda single. Not the “I’ve never been in relationships but have had flings and 100 boys confessing to me but I’m just very picky” single.
Just a couple days before girls night I was listening to a podcast by Pastor Chad Veach from ZOE church LA, his wife said this bomb of a quote –
For you single people out there, just keep pursuing God as your number one, keep pursuing and focusing on Him that he has to run after God so hard to find you.
Talk about making the guy work for it. Damn right he better.
But come Sunday after the girls night, I got a text from one of my longest friends while at church. She wasn’t just any friend but the friend who invited me to my first church camp ever where I accepted Christ.
She wanted to do brunch, but I was at church. Something was up for sure. As suspected, she had just broken up with her boyfriend who’d came over from America, he had been a tad bit abusive. Despite feeling tired from the day, I met her up for a coffee date after church.
My friend grew up in a Christian home but as we grew older and life took us on our different paths, I could see her distance growing not just from church but from me as well. It hurt me to see her go through that, live through ways that God had wanted us to avoid. How did the friend who helped in my deliverance from all this, to get into all this??
There was a period in my life where every single one of my friends were hooking up with guys, if not getting boyfriends, they were getting pursued by 101 boys they were not even interested in. I was the friend they turned to to help draft up those “turn down” texts. (which apparently am good at it but never got the chance to use that skill in my own life LOL). Through all of that though, I developed a sense of insecurity within myself on what was it that I didn’t have which made me not have all that? It’s stupid, writing all of these now and thinking how foolish I was before to be thinking of those things. (THOSE ARE PROBLEMS GURL)
Seeing my friend in her struggles showed me the reasons why I didn’t have to feel that way.
God knew me best. He knew that inner part of me was not ready and I have so much more to work on. Regardless of what people say about readiness in a person to pursue these things, only God knows best and that is the only truth. It is not our position to question His plans but trust them.
I would’ve been a mess by now if I didn’t have God. I’d be influenced by my friends and not God because I wouldn’t have been able to handle those things properly. My studies would’ve been from failure to drop-out and I’ll be just R-E-K-T.
God provides, He thinks of us and we don’t have to worry at all. He has created innovative geniuses that helped revolutionize the way I can open a bottle, I can be that strong independent woman that need no man (for the mean time) and pursue Him so hard and fulfill the plans He has before me.
And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. – Hebrews 11:6
If you add up a couple of small flames together, it grows, it rages, it burns. That’s how it damages things. No matter how small the flame is, it will always be moving, waiting for action, waiting for another flame for the rage.
Hence, you can’t fight fire with fire. It builds.
Being an elder sister isn’t easy. Especially when your younger sibling is filled with raging hormones, they’re on fire… all the time. It’s not that they can contain that rage to themselves, it builds on you, sometimes it burns, so hard that it could damage a relationship.
Anything can trigger it to be honest. Sometimes I don’t really know how to handle it anymore. I do admit I’m not a saint. I have my own little flames and rages now and then, plus it doesn’t help much when it happens the same time as my brother.
Simple stuff I have to keep reminding myself to prevent the fire from building..
Leave him alone
It’s hard. As a sister you do care, you want to give that input you can as an elder sibling and hopefully he’ll learn from it. But nah. He just rages. He doesn’t need another mother or father. The more I say, the more he views me as his “enemy” or “third parent”. He rages.
It hurts to know you can’t be his role model. But for the sake of keeping the bridge between us and keeping it from burning, I have to leave him alone. I can only pray. Only God can help him, sometimes I have to accept that it just can’t be from me.
As I said above. It is so important, yet so easily forgotten, because the fire just builds so fast and it gets carried away. The rage can be strong, sometimes too fast too soon. I used to regret so much once the rage happens, I fill myself with guilt and tears. I get scolded by my parents and the fire sometimes even just builds. I’ve learnt the only way to dampen that flame is through prayer. No matter how big the fire gets, the only way I’ve found that has helped diminish it, as cliche as it seems, is through prayer. It doesn’t just put the fire away, it can prevent it. I know that is harder, because we get carried away, however many times it has helped. It takes a lot of strength, and only God can give that strength.
Give time for yourself
It sounds really selfish. But sometimes it’s for the better. I realised the more time I spend with my brother, the more I see his flaws, the more tempted I feel to correct him, the higher the chances on building on the flame. If you don’t give time to yourself and constantly caring about them, it jeopardises your own work. Personal experience, I failed my subjects in uni. I was so welled up in my family’s issues, I neglected my own. Spending more time in the library helped. I learnt to focus on myself. Focussing on yourself sometimes helps, it helps to fix your flaws and it will also help with your relationship with the other person, because we are not always perfect. It takes two to make it happen.
Be the water, not the fire. Be the light, not the dark. It’s hard but it’s worth it. I’m not gonna sugar-coat it and tell you it’s easy, because I know it isn’t. It takes effort to be the better one, but it’s better than not putting effort at all. At least you did your part.
In true Proverbs fashion:
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
– Proverbs 15:18
Sometimes, it’s okay to let it go and let it be. Leave it to the One who knows how.