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CNY reflections

It’s the first day of Chinese New Year, the first one I’m spending alone. My brother is at work and my family is back in Malaysia, feasting away. I spent both the eve and today eating meat pies for dinner. I also visited the doctor today, to find out that the ear sore on my left ear is pretty sever, if it doesn’t subside in the next 2 days, I need to go to the hospital as an ’emergency’. I can’t really move the left part of my face, the swelling is spreading but I am adamant on not taking painkillers, which baffled my doctor.

I’m trying my best to not make this as depressing as it seems, so I decide to watch a CNY movie on Netflix, called ‘Us and Them’. In true Asian movie fashion, it’s a sad ending, the couple has the best teenage love story, only to end up not together 10 years later, the girl still financially struggling and single at present and the boy, now a thriving millionaire.

Holy Shit.

I was trying to make myself feel better okay. I’m trying to make the New Year less depressing. Now my body decides to build up a fever to combat this infection, turns out when I really need Panadol, my house doesn’t have any.

But it’s okay.

The movie, as depressing as it is, paralleling my present situation, shows that I’m not the only one. To know that there are people out there having it worse than me on a New Year, probably financially struggling, and I have my meat pie in sunny Melbourne.

Chinese new Year is the only festivity I looked forward to growing up, it means family. Even as a Christian now, CNY trumps Christmas (we don’t even give each other presents or own a Christmas tree), my house has lanterns and red packets over presents, any day.

I guess you can say, there is a first for everything. It’s the first time I’m not with my family, the first time my brother has to work on a CNY night. But it’s not the first time alone. I am not as depressed as I thought I would be, as weird as it sounds, typing it all out, sounds depressing af, especially since this festive season means so much to me growing up. But I am documenting this down, because I know there will be better times, to cherish the moments more often, to appreciate the happier moments. While this is not my happiest moment, I know it gets better.

I was eating my meat pie mid blogging and realise it was still frozen inside but continued to eat anyway because, seriously celebs at this point.

Year of the Pig,

My year of the Dog has officially passed, lesser of an excuse to be a bitch this year round. I used to love to read the zodiac scopes to see what’s in store for me in the zodiac year, have my aunts predict some ‘fortune’ and read the zodiac posters hanging around the malls as CNY decorations. There have been years that claim that my love life will thrive and I can tell you, as I enter this 25th year, it hasn’t.

So what ever piggy has in store for me this year, I have no idea. In case you’re wondering where this is going, don’t worry, I still love Jesus. Whatever blog post, no matter how distant I feel from God, I know He’s there. Yes, it’s been a current period of deliberation, soul-searching and figuring out how I am going to make out of my final moments of university alive and thriving, dealing with my brother who still acts like a 10 year old on ADHD but this time with alcohol and parties. I know He’s there, as I enter this new year, a lot of things going on and NOT going on, but I’ll make it, He’ll make it, we’ll make it together still. Like every relationship, it goes through rough patches and I’m sure we’ll come out stronger, me loving God harder.

Meanwhile, I wish you all my lovely humans a very blessed Chinese New Year. May love and happiness come to you always, even though it’s not realistic and if it doesn’t, you’ll be fine, you’ll come out of it stronger.

 

Belated reflections and resulotions

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While the year is still young and before 2014 is too far behind us, it’s better to do this post sooner than later. Also a fantastic excuse to test out this hand me down iPad keyboard from mum on my brand new iPad that dad won from some bank competition. Combination of lucky and blessed hehe..

I can’t sum up 2014 in a sentence. It was a crazy year, like a year with such great ups and crazy downs. I would say it’s a year I definitely made much more friendships with others compared to 2013, it’s one of those new year resolutions I got right. It was also the year where I saw church and God in a completely new spectrum (which I pretty much documented a lot on this blog). Of course it was also the year I started this blog to do the worst rants on the planet and spew out my whole brain even when I hate to do it so publicly such irony.

It may sound like I accomplished a lot, like it was a pretty killer year, but it was also the year I was told I may have had depression without knowing it. I think being told that fact by the counsellor just made me more depressed way to go mate. I scored the suckiest results in my academics in my entire living history, which was pretty much the cause of my down low. A huge part of me wanted to blame God for the whole episode as I was beginning on such a journey with Him already. But I saw it as a wake up call that God was trying to give me, I was being too slack. I was.

Then the mission trip and a whole December whirlwind. I tell you, December is like everyone’s most dramatic month of the year. With all these holidays and festivities, it can never be as smooth sailing as we envisioned it to be months ahead. Something always pops up, trust me, even when it starts good. It’s like a December thing.

2015

I seriously don’t know what to expect from you. I’ll be completely honest, more than half the things that happened in 2014 were completely out of the blue. I remember late January last year, while the year was still young and not too late for resolution making, I surrendered my year to God. My breaking down prayer from all the anxiety the day before serving in kid’s church for the first time, it’s still fresh in my brain.

God gave me 2014. It was a roller coaster ride. No I had no regrets. If there was any one thing I’d take out of it?

Trusting God. With all my heart and soul. Taking that gigantic leap of faith.

Lord, I don’t know what you’re going to do again this year. But I’m going to do the same thing as I did before and always will, 2015 is for You. Take it and use me. Give me the strength and guidance to accept and pursue whatever that You throw at me, to shield whatever that is going to stop me. Keep me strong and make me stronger in You. Keep me diligent and alert, especially in Uni, even though it can be such a drain but please give me energy.

One thing I know for sure, I wanna keep growing in the love for Jesus. He has shown me so much last year on all the things I could accomplish with Him, we’re like a freaking A team and beyond. I just can’t wait on how 2015 is going to turn out, I pray that it’s going to be more amazing, I pray the friendships I made last year will continue to grow and the friendships I made before that to continue to be strong.

I can already foresee 2015 being a challenging one, but which year isn’t? It’s the challenges that make the stories interesting and ourselves stronger. But with Jesus, it’ll be okay, I know it will be. The team is ready for any game, so bring it on!

My 2015 motto

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p/s: I conclude that the laptop keyboard still wins for blogging and long winded essays. If you have big fingers, I suggest to not even bother going for a tablet keyboard. I have like the smallest fingers among all the humans I know and I’m struggling. However it’s a win when taking lecture notes, gives you the speed compared to tapping the screen. But the money investment for short note-taking? Probs not worth it unless you’re a full time short-note taker like me aka student. (Mine is a hand-me-down from mum, she hates it)