“Yeah it was a good thing you went up there to talk, it brought you out of your shell for a bit.”
My shell… or bubble?
I got this comment which was meant to be a compliment for an introvert after I did a public testimony on my faith. That was one rare occasion I am not sure if I will be repeating again anytime soon. To be honest I don’t know what is my shell. The world, the society, everything tried to define a person within boxes. Recently I’ve been thrown at with a lot of personality tests, which resulted in this.
16personalities.com gives you like a detailed description of your life, how it will turn out and if you don’t know how to run your life, they’d tell you how to too. They predict your married life and your careers… woah like whut? I’ll have to admit, reading my profile they gave me about being an INFP, it was pretty accurate.
Yes, I am reserved and private.
Yes, I day-dreamed lots.
Yes, I love writing… but I wouldn’t say I’m poetic.
Yes, I love my feelings and instinct, I’m pretty much a whishy-washy person. People hate me so much for this.
But hey… that’s what they say. As I continued reading about “myself”, I kept having moments of AHAHA that is SO MEEE! I even shared the link with all my friends saying it’s like the “best test ever!” and that everyone should give it a go to “discover themselves” seriously I was acting like such a bimbo
Then my close friend texted me.
” Are you sure that’s you? YOU’RE AN INTROVERT? wait hold on a minute, YOU ARE NOT. Oh, are you sure you’re this and that?”
It made me reflect on my life.
The test said I was the most introverted among my friends, the friends I lived with in boarding school. The friends whom I annoyed banging on doors and them doing vice-versa back on me. They lived with me. They’ve seen me running through the corridors like a mad woman and climbing the gates and defying rules like a monkey. My primary school friends have witnessed my racing games with teachers trying to hunt me down to cane me. That is not an introverted kid. That is a mad girl that needs to be held down and disciplined straight up on how to be a lady. My mum believes, to this day, I can’t find a husband if I continued this way.
The test said I was a feeler. Yes I am. I get affected now and then when my emotions run mad with my family issues and home situations, I find it hard to concentrate, to focus. Then again, ADHD is genetic and it runs in my family. I secretly believe I am mildly one which is the cause of my hyperactivity as well as strayed mind. If I was really that much of a feeler and let my emotions run me..
- I wouldn’t have survived depression alone in the boarding house. But I did. No one knew I had it. I controlled it really hard, I exercised how to control my emotions so well during that period of time. I made sure I cried myself to sleep past midnight, when no one would enter my room. I made sure none of my friends or family found out. There were obvious changes in myself but I stayed strong, inside I was dying so badly and I felt like life was not worth living anymore, yet on the outside my mad woman trait was still existing, to keep me strong. I made sure it was secret. The only person I couldn’t run away from was God, He brought me out of that ditch. Sometimes you can’t hide everything.
- I probably would’ve had a boyfriend. But I told myself to not let my feelings run. I was a student, still am a student. I have priorities and I ain’t got time. God has to be my centre and my studies next. I had so much to do in my life and I do not want another person to ruin it, not yet.. not now. I know in my previous post I mentioned about lack of boys, that plays a part in too but I never got desperate despite my friends coupling up everywhere. I don’t think it is just an INFP thing to be affected about this. Yet as an INFP, I controlled this emotion better than anyone I knew who wasn’t what I am. A desperate girl who lets her feelings run her can jump on anyone and get herself in a stupid relationship, I didn’t.
- I was a prefect in highschool. Yes, a prefect. Those kids with fancy uniforms who police you around and everyone hates them because they think they’re boss. We are.. lol. I don’t know how one can be a prefect if they weren’t stern, the number of kids that can run over your head, it can drive you mad. Feelings certainly can’t drive you. As a leader, you had to be systematic to get things done, which I’m pretty sure I was because I had to get stuff done… if my memory is still good. To be completely honest, I didn’t know how I got chosen. A mad kid like me who gets canned heaps in primary school. Still unbelievable.
In the end of the day, who defines you? Who are you going to let in to tell you how you are suppose to live?
Yes I agree that I do relate to those traits. I believe despite that extreme description of my monkey self, I’m an introvert inside out. But I am not an ordinary introvert.
People illustrate introverts as people in their little bubbles. We create and rejuvenate our energy from within our bubbles alone, unlike extroverts who absorb this energy from other people. We are portrayed as this solemn kid sitting in the corner of our bubble trying to “get out energy”.
I am not that.
I love my bubble. LOVE IT. My bubble is my life. My bubble is just God and I, me and God. We get energy together, we are a team, that’s how I’ve been surviving. BUT, I don’t cower in the conner like a sad kid in the bubble being sad and all that nonsense. Seriously that is not how I work and probably I hope I speak for others.
In my bubble, I jump like a mad dog. By my self. That’s right, in true introversion fashion. I get my energy by myself, but I am mad as. I release all that hyperactivity and energy I have been containing and holding in and release them everywhere in my bubble when I am alone. I can do the freaking hakka okay
Just like how introverts are described, we do let people in our bubble, but only a few. That is when my close friends and family come in. They have seen me in my bubble. They know I am mad. They are the only ones who know my madness because I let them into my bubble.
Of course, there are times I kick them out of the bubble, if they were permanently in there, I wouldn’t like it and that wouldn’t make me an introvert anyway. People outside my bubble, they see me as this serene kid, no nonsense and the perfect description of an INFP. They weren’t my comfort people and I’m sure as not going to let them in to see my cray cray self, no one would want to be my friend. That’s when my reserved characteristic comes in, I do observe the people around me, I will make sure I know you well enough to let you in to this crazy turbulent (as described) world that possesses me.
I did the exact same test as part of my mission trip training that I will taking at the end of the year to the Philippines. My pastor wanted to get to know his team a little better. My results popped up INFP again. He agreed fully as I read the descriptions of myself to the rest of the team (we had to “get to know each other”): quiet, contained, private, reserved. Pure stereotypical introversion style. I guess in a way I have set of a pace and style to the team to not tick me off and stay away from my bubble.
It is quite the privilege… to have the key into an introvert’s bubble. I also believe there is no set amount of people that can be in the bubble. To enter the bubble you will have to have a key, but you disrespect the times you are allowed or not allowed into the bubble, your key gets confiscated. As I socialise more, more people will get this key to my bubble. Sometimes I give it a little to early, sometimes it takes me ages to give it out. It is so rare to find people who respect the bubble space, but so far my pickiness on bubble keys have been successful, I’ve never really confiscated much bubble keys before hahaha
Trust me. You would want to be in my bubble.
WE WOULD HAVE SUCH A BALL IN MY BIG BOUNCY INFLATABLE BIG BUBBLE BALLIE like whooo! Because I BOUNCE.
Personality tests are not 100%. It may help give you an idea of a person but it doesn’t define them. You don’t get to know a person by just reading their online profile, that’s just as stupid as 9 + 10 = 21. Talk to them, socialise and actually take the effort to spend time and get to know them. You can’t just pop into an introvert’s bubble, you earn it. Well, some people work less harder than others. It would be honestly such an insult to God and His creation if he only made 16 personalities. Really?? What happened to His infinite potential?
God created me as I am. I am happy as I am. I am created to have problems too but I am engineered to lean on Him to get advice, lean on Him for strength.
God is my bubble.