Neverland

My current level of obsession with this song is currently insane. I’ve been raping the replay button and it’s ringing in my ears the whole time even when my earphones are off. It brings the Disney feel to a whole other level, even though it isn’t a complete Disney product and just based of it’s idea. Props to having a Disney star singing it though. Zendaya, your voice is phenomenal.

Listening to this song just brings me back to my 12 year old self, all the childhood dreams and the embodiment of fairytale fantasies. I had the classic Disney childhood upbringing, watching the classics was how I spent my free time. Disney always had this phenomenal way of using their music to bring their audience into a fairytale fantasy (hence Fantasia), I was one of them who believed in it, that Neverland existed. But flipping the numbers around and now at 21, the level of imagination has shrunk drastically with the constant bombarding of the reality of life.

Neverland is fake. You can’t be Wendy. Peter Pan isn’t real. The flying ship never existed anyway.

However the lyrics of this song just peaks it to the ultimate level. Right now everything I’m feeling, summarised in this song. It hasn’t been the easiest few months for me and I really crave for an escape from all this hiatus. Suddenly with this song, it made me realize that Neverland probably isn’t as far away as it seems, probably closer to home than I expected and in fact… pretty real. Because He is real.

Somewhere I can run to, just across the Milky Way
Not the Milky Way. But You’ve been my escape. As hard as my life has been, no matter how shameful and selfish I was, even when I was filled with anger, You’ve always opened your arms to me and let me run to you.

Through all my make belief, there is some reality
I don’t know how to explain this but this phrase hits home. I tend to have a lot of dreams and fantasies, many say I have unrealistic beliefs and imaginations and many have been proven right. But you tell me it’s okay to dream, despite all these times I have been let down by my own strength. You have turned my many prayers into reality and gave me hope to know that if I have enough faith and with You in my life, it can become real.

It’s the love someone gives you, in an unconditional way
John 3:16 basically sums up that unconditional love that you have given to not just me, but to everyone known in existence of Your creation.

Even though this isn’t a gospel related song but it gives me so much feels on such a spiritual level that is so unexplainable. Going to a place I call Neverland. Heaven is my Neverland, where life is eternal and evergreen. It is real. It exists. Jesus will bring me home.

p/s: Can’t wait for the PAN movie. I’m loving all these live adaptions of all the classics I grew up with. Also… Garrett Hedlund.
If no one is taking/accompanying me to watch it with me, I’ll be giving myself another solo trip to the cinema (which I’ve done a few times… no shame).

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Weak but strong, a Wonderland analogy

“You know, I think you’re pretty strong for what you went through”

“You’ve been really strong, keep staying strong okay?”

I was thriving with that praise. Over the years, I had people around me telling me about this “strength” I had, how “strong” I was. The more I was “praised”, the more I built this great wall of china around myself, I see it as my strength and I will not break down.

I took it in. All these comments that said I was strong, it was my fuel to be even harder. It gave me the impression that I should never ever break down in front of everyone, because I was “strong”. Which I did, I didn’t know how I lasted so long.

Personal strength can only take you so far. Every human being runs out of energy. I never realised that I could run out of that strength until the only strength I had left was to say… I am weak.

I think it takes the biggest strength to admit that one is weak.

I realised after a while, I was spiralling down into that great fort I was building for myself… Basically, I dug my own grave. Imagine Alice falling down that burrow.

Of course, it was scary. People say, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the thing was, when you fall, you are falling away from that light, pretty much sucks all the positivity out of the whole phrase.

Then this is when faith starts. Alice fell down that hole, she was given 2 choices. EAT ME or DRINK ME. She could’ve eaten cake to grow bigger (I mean obvious most edible thing right there) or drinking something (which looked like poison) and shrink her.

She drank it. She shrunk. She took the key. She entered the door. Alice enters Wonderland.

Too be smaller is like being weaker, but sometimes being smaller will lead us to greater things. Entering the Wonderland gave Alice so much adventures, but it didn’t mean she never faced any challenges.

Being weak isn’t a symbol of vulnerability. It is also a symbol of strength. In such a culture where being “strong” is the element of survival, it makes people fear the alternative, fear to admit that sometimes we can’t do it alone. Weak doesn’t mean that you will get bashed up (I’m talking about emotional strength here… not your muscles). If you think you are strong, there will always be something stronger than you.

We don’t have to rely on our own selves for strength. Some times putting your faith and strength in greater things will bring you to greater places.

I am weak but He is strong. Yes Jesus loves me, and the Bible tells me so.
(That’s the first ever Christian song I had ever learnt in my life)

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Dreams and Wishes

I’ve just stumbled onto her cover of this Disney Classic song. It just brought me back to my childhood of “totally doing nothing” and just sitting in the loungeroom watching all my Disney tape collection five times a week, with lots of dreaming involved of course. In all honesty, I have anticipating to watch this film since it announced production but it has been months since it’s release and I still haven’t watched it! -cries- Blaming it on my crazy hectic schedule. Just saying, Lily James totally slayed this song and it’s my favourite version of it. Not the sleepy version of the original in the same time retaining it’s classical elements without adding the pop-styled nonsense. (I don’t hate pop music, I just don’t like it when they get added to a classic, they don’t mix right)

Of course, my childhood dreams and current realities didn’t go hand in hand. I’m a struggling university kid now and doing crap degree. No Disney doesn’t portray reality, but it doesn’t mean disappointment. Strangely enough, watching that video just brought me back the same innocent child-like happiness I had and the longing to dream. Yes, given the happiness is only lasting for less than 5 minutes before I have to snap back to reality, I still love it and I freaking cherish it.

This Disney part of me is definitely the girly part of me, sans the ballet upbringing. But wasn’t that lopsided a girly girl, my absolute favourite Disney films includes the animal ones, Simba was my first ever TV crush and it worries some of my friends because he wasn’t even human LOL. I am hardcore when it comes to Disney and no one can mess with my knowledge, including knowing Ilago’s breed (the hornbill sidekick of Ja’afar in Aladdin) and singing the Hawaiian bits of Aloha E Komo Mai (Lilo & Stitch).

It baffles me how some people who claimed to be Disney fans can work at Disney but yet… never watched the films… What?

I’m not judging (or more like trying not to) but I’m finding it really hard to wrap my head around that fact.

One of my childhood dreams as a 10 year old was to one day star in a Disney live-adaptation of one of the classics I grew up with. Mulan cast people… here’s your chance. Jokes. That’s definitely just a wish a heart can make while I’m fast asleep. Nonetheless, I am excited for that adaptation, I really hope they do the casting and the character justice, she better be Chinese, most of all she’d better be strong willed.

Now I’ll be signing of for the next 2 weeks of hardcore exam study (not that I post regularly anyway). Just feeling obligated to let you guys know that I’ll be away, before I return and report more incredible nonsensical happenings of my life and feelings. Hopefully by then, I would have gotten the time to catch up on my Cinderella and Disney marathons.