Gone to soon

It is a very hard pill to swallow to know that we won’t be seeing you again.

It is so tough to admit that you are really gone.

You are only 33.

You promised my brother you’d be there for his graduation and his wedding.

You asked me how I was going in uni, even though I was struggling.. I said “Okay” and you said to “Keep going. That’s good”.

I miss your jokes. I miss the Monopoly sessions and the cheats you used to teach us how to play.

Your birthday was only a day after mine.

We had the same zodiac.

My brother and I used to wake you up by jumping on your bed as kids…

You showed us your leechbites that you got during the camp and how it changed your life.

When the Cory Monteith news hit, I thought of you. When they took Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran’s life, I thought of you. I didn’t think the same thing would’ve taken you.

You were clean. We thought you were clean. We were supposed to be together again end of this year.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I could only hear your voice in all the family gatherings we had. You were always the highlight of the party.

You left too soon. You shouldn’t have. Life is so unfair.

This was not the ending that it should’ve been. But then again God has plans and I pray you are in a better place with less suffering. I pray that God is merciful and put an end to all that pain.

They say time will heal. I pray that it’ll be fast.

I promise Jianshen will be alright. Maowen and I will look out for him always. Know that he has a family and always loved and you will be proud of him. He will have the future you always wanted for him. We promise.

We will look after Wendy too. I am sorry for the hurt the family has caused between you two and I promise that she will feel belonged. She has and always will be part of the family.

You will be terribly missed.

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Addictions

I’m still on SWOTVAC period, exams only start on the 10th of June and NO, I am not ready.

I think it’s during this period of time when there is this huge hurdle and mountain of things to accomplish that I discover the things I get easily distracted to and hence the things I’m pretty much addicted to when I do not have things to accomplish.

It has been a long suspicion to myself that I may have ADHD as I get easily, Easily, EASILY Distracted. I can’t emphasize it enough. It started when my own brother was officially diagnosed with it. He is even prescribed medication for it (even though he hates it and never takes it). Everytime I bring it up, my mother would just brush it away thinking that I would just want to add more problems to her existing ones. 1 child with that disorder is enough and she wouldn’t want to go through the hassle of finding out if I actually have it or in denial that I do. My brother isn’t the only one, my cousins have it too. I conclude it runs in the family so if I actually do have it it’s no surprise.

Hence why I always run off-topic what is wrong with my brain. Anyways, these are like the major things I get on to when I’m distracted to and pretty much an addiction as I get on them on a daily frequent basis (it should stop really).

  1. Facebook
    Like seriously this ingenious thing and place to stalk people even when I basically don’t update myself, I like to see other people’s updates. I tend to deactivate it to try and stop myself from getting back on. It never lasts more than a day, unless my friends keep my password they probably should again. But the deactivation does help in a way where I stop checking it on an hourly basis after that and have it logged off.
    I’ve deleted the apps on my phone and ipad too (except Messenger).
  2. Youtube
    Really. I can’t get enough of it. In fact this should be on top of facebook meanwhile since my facebook has been temporarily deactivated. Wongfu, NigaHiga, that lot of British kids, Tyler Oakley, communitychannel and my dance faves Kyle Hanagami, Keone & Mariel, the list is unending. Youtube is madness. It’s inspiring yet not at the same time. Not to mention the stupid yet genius way of “Reccomended Videos” on the right hand corner, GETS ME ALL THE TIME! It’s a good destresser but recently it’s been a bit too much that I’m lacking stress for the exams.
  3. Tumblr
    Those pictures… Why are they so awesome. The layout of that infinity scroll makes 2 hours seem like 2 minutes, good job Tumblr.
  4. Online Shopping
    I just got my latest haul from asos just last week. It’s only 2 items but still. I told myself that’s the last time because I’m broke but it doesn’t stop me from getting on asos.com. What on earth with online shopping, the material world will be forever existent.
  5. The Kitchen
    One of the few non-web related things. FOOD BINGING. omgoodness. These explains the reason for extra pounds during exam period and why my diet/fitness goals from the past 5 years never worked. The scales go the opposite direction of where I want it to go instead, thanks to Kitchen.
  6. Sleep
    This is bad. I don’t know if I should be feeling guilty about this. Students average 2-3 hours sleep per day for exam periods. To me it’s amazing because HOMG the efforts they put it… WOW. meanwhile I’m averaging 9-10 hours sleep per day, which is the recommended hours for NORMAL PEOPLE (not students). The healthy life makes me feel guilty because of all the lost hours I could use to study. Also, this labels me LAZAYY.
  7. Blogging/Magazines/Pinterest
    Sadly this is a culprit too, along with all the other nonsense when I get bored with the above. So yes, you could say that I am bored with the above currently and obviously with my books as well.

I would probably need serious help for all these things. God help me I mean it. I guess back to the books will be a logical action now seeing that I have taken a break off by typing this post.

I hope the next time I’m back is after SWOTVAC, if it isn’t, I’m probably bored of the above again.

Praying with some improvement for these addictions erghh

Weird

it is actually

So am I