It’s been a while since I did some procrastinating blog posts. It’s the perfect (and not so perfect) time right now as I have an assignment due at 2pm today and I haven’t even neared half of it.
I haven’t had a weekend as hectic as the one I just had, I’ve been running on less than 4 hours sleep for a couple nights straight which is extremely rare, I LOVE MY SLEEP. I believe it’s one of God’s greatest gifts. Seriously. Sleep.
You must be thinking I must be really hardworking with something but to be honest it’s the complete opposite. It was one of my closest friend’s 21st, it was like some major celebration, a night of clubbing and a birthday dinner that lasted as long as clubbing. Clubbing comes along with sleep-ins, that’s why you don’t hear a single word from clubbers until the afternoon or later. I am not a clubber, in fact I’m a morning person and my mornings had to run as per se, so 9am ballet classes and 8am Kid’s Mission Sunday at church had to go AS PLANNED.
Funny thing was, just before I was about to start the wild 21st celebrations with my friends, I made to most sudden impulsive decision ever. Anything less than 24hours of thinking is an impulse for me. This was made under 3 hours.
I decided to sign up for baptism, 2nd time this round.
I understand this isn’t a decision to be made on impulse. It is something to be thought through and people take months to decide. The church that gave me my 1st baptism at 15 years old had us (the class) prepping for almost a year. So why on earth would I make a decision at a bus stop?
I was aware my church was giving a baptism but I never really gave it much thought. I was baptized just by sprinkling of water 5 years ago in a Methodist Church, where everyone was methodical and if you’re 15 in sunday school, you do it together with your sunday school class in front of the congregation. It wasn’t really much of a spotlight thing. It looked more like a graduation ceremony to me and I did it for all the wrong reasons at the time.. because everyone was doing it.
I accepted Christ at 13. I was growing in faith and I was loving it. But my family’s weird as culture of church hopping never really helped my growth. My faith became like a roller-coaster, there were extreme highs and extreme lows and just unbelievable sudden 360 turns in the middle, it was so crazy. But fun and exciting like how roller coasters are. I LOVE roller coasters.
I didn’t get the “Oh wow I feel so brand new” feeling most people get after a baptism during mine, which I always heard about. Those were mainly immersion baptisms and at the time I was baptised, the church didn’t believe it was necessary. They said “as long as we have water, that’s the symbol”. But part of me deep inside always longed to be baptised the way Jesus did.
There were opportunities that came along but I always had this doubt of “I don’t know if I’m even going to continue staying in this church”. Some of my relatives believed immersion was not necessary. So already having Christ in my life, already baptised “symbolically” and confirmed as well, I have, in a way ticked all the boxes of becoming a Christian (to certain standards). Getting baptised again went back under the brain.
“You should get baptised by immersion! We are having a class today at 5pm, you should contact the (the pastor in charge) and let her know! Go go go!”
I had an extremely bad day the day before making the decision. I cried my eyes out and had to go to uni puffy eyed. I texted my friend I didn’t want to go to her 21st either because I was just to upset with everything in my life. She got upset. As a proper human, to make your best friend upset on her 21st birthday is a big no-no, so I agreed to go again, sucking up all my shitty feelings. I had to skip a church camp because of this so missing her 21st will be a stupid decision too.
The last people I ever want to meet when I am puffy eyed and hobo-looking (ceebs dressing up after a bad day) is people I’m not close to, especially the opposite sex. I just don’t want to meet anyone and be completely alone. Especially with a big weekend ahead.
WHO KNEW. I bumped into one of the people I would absolutely want to avoid (given the current situation), some guy from church, at the bus stop. Making small talk is not my forte but I also hate to stand next to someone I know with NO CONVERSATION going on. It just makes the awkward meter explode further. Just after a bad day and a long draining weekend I am dreading to go to, the conversation topics with him were running low like the water in California. I suddenly decided to bring up the baptism that was coming up in the church. I was curious how a church that didn’t have a proper sanctuary and no pool was going to have an immersion baptism. (I mean seriously there was nothing else to talk about)
Then he told me I should get baptised immersion. Then his bus came. Then I was left alone to think. Then I made an impulse decision.
I told myself, let’s go to the class.
I cancelled the dinner with the friend I was suppose to have before our friend’s 21st clubbing event. Part of me felt like I needed to take off time from all the 21st shenanigans going on and focus on myself on what I really want, what I really need.
I want to get baptised. The way Jesus did. I want to be born again (again), I want to get rid of all this recurring shit baggage I’m always having. I need Jesus.
I want to leave them all behind in the waters as I emerge out of the waters. I will leave them to Jesus. He knows everything and I trust Him with all my heart.
I want to be a completely new person again. I don’t want all the confusion and hurt to haunt me every single time I’m low. I want Jesus to appear and be with me and consume each time it happens. Only Jesus can do that, Only He can make me new.
I know there still will be testing times after that. I also know I may not get the feeling I want to get immediately after baptism but I trust and I know I’ll still be made new. I know that the devil is always roaming around and I am still his prey. But I have a Father to run to and it will be better. He makes it worthwhile.
Can’t wait for this Friday
Part of me felt like God sent the weirdo to the bus stop for a good reason.
And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name. – Acts 22:16