Bionic babies

Lets’ talk about egg freezing, mainly because I’ve completed 2/3 assignments due this week and I’m feeling good.

Egg freezing.

What?

So basically taking those single eggs that will ripen one at a time for every month in the next 40+ years of our lives ever since the age of puberty. If unfertilized, gushing of the blood from the lady parts will happen, also known as the period or the ladies best friend.

Females have all our eggs God-given to us, all few hundred thousands of them, since the day of our birth. Yes, God already planned the birth of our children on the day of our births… how crazy is that? So why freeze them eggs when we have plenty and going to get one every month for the next 40 years (till menopause)? Well, studies have shown that apparently, we have an ideal period of time where the eggs that

Well, studies have shown that apparently, we have an ideal period of time where the eggs that pop out of the ovum are “ideal”, yea I know… it’s like smarter babies or something, eggs fertilized after that ideal period will be deemed “terrible”.

Okay, not that bad, but those babies will have higher risks of abnormal birth or diseases in the future.

Hence, the desperation of women to get pregnant before the age of 36, the desperation to get married before 30, if they want a lot of kids, and the desperation to find their soulmate before another ideal age which I can’t keep up with.

I had a catch up with my high school friends last week and one of them was telling me how her sister’s firm was sponsoring the freezing of eggs of their female employees, what? wow. Talk about company benefits right there, that’s incredibly generous of them… I mean bionic babies are not cheap.

Bionic babies are expensive babies, they are risky and can cost more than a Ferarri, yes a big fat nice luxury car, imagine that speed and joy you can have (if you like those things). I guess to some die-hard wannabe parents, babies will provide the same speed (chasing around) and joy (laughter), hence worth the same cost of money. I’ve personally known parents who’ve undergone the bionic method (IVF) method and failed.

I’ve personally known parents who’ve undergone the bionic method (IVF) method and failed. They were loaded, but the loss of a potential child, 3 times, was too much for the mother, she quit her job and fell into depression.

Bionic test-tube or natural, the fertilization of a sperm and egg is life.
This could honestly lead on to another pro-life debate which I’m keen… next post! 

I’m not gonna lie but I’ve honestly considered freezing my eggs before, I mean I’m shedding all these God-given eggs every month, why can’t I keep them? They’re gonna be wasted!! They are life too! Aren’t they? They are potential babies! Potential children! Potential life! Why can’t I freeze them?

I remembered openly voicing my opinions on this topic during family gatherings, only to be met with disapproving faces. I come from a multi-faith background, so Christian, Buddhist, Muslim and Atheist uncles and aunties are present, all disapproved.

No Way!

“Not a natural way of having babies, not good, bad luck to the babies.”

My reason for this is due to the environment we are now in, the strong emphasis of having a career in a woman instead of motherhood, this sense of female empowerment and all that feminism. Women in current society want to be a force to reckon with, we want equality, we want the same respect we deserve in the workplace, be that strong lady that God have created us to be.

If you’re telling me biblically women are meant to be in the household…
snubbing
go read your bible again. There are strong God-fearing women in the bible and they are a force to be reckon with… so shush.

But motherhood, will it get in the way? Society certainly thinks it will, hence the company perks of freezing the eggs of employees. 35 years of age is prime time in the commercial world, you either make it or break it, and motherhood can be a dealbreaker (I mean 9 months of carrying, plus those hormonal changes).

I know there’s been many pro-life groups and Christian lobbyist strongly against this idea, against the Godly way of procreation.

Honestly, I am on the fence with this. Bionic babies have brought joy to many families, if it was cruelty and unethical, there wouldn’t be such a growing market for such a technology and treatment.

What is your opinion?

p/s: my 3 years in a science degree has not been wasted, I still have a deep passion for science… deep deep down. Science and Law. Much nerd, Level Asian.

 

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New tunes, new season of happy

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in this site (actually I did, I have a couple of serious drafts still in process), so this is a less serious… lighter note.. check in to say hi post.

There’s heaps that went on over the past month since my last post. Good and the bad, as always, God wants to keep a balance in our learning curves. The good comes as a reward for overcoming those bad challenges (in my perspective).

Bad points first. I fell incredibly sick on easter break, got myself a horrible eye infection which made my left eye swell and throb double its size. Still has a scar and occasional awkward creasing here and there but it’s healing so praise God! However that whole episode made me so preoccupied of wanting to heal everything faster made me slack behind in uni work, so technically right now, I shouldn’t be here but continue one trying to finish my assignments.

Good points. I have to say, so many I can’t begin. My eye swelling is gone so I’m incredibly happy. I am leading a girls dance group (for like primary aged girls)! We haven’t started yet but I am so excited!! Probably more than I should be. This wasn’t the original reaction I gave when I was first told to do it, in fact I must admit I probably gave a pretty reluctant face. But going home and sleeping on the idea and falling back on my childhood dreams of being a dance teacher one day, I’ve come to embrace this whole idea, in fact I’m pretty darn excited.

Next, new music. ohmygosh. New music. Despite my sick week, I managed to sneak in a night at the Planetshakers conference last week and God blessed my ears with some amazing music that my soul can just cry out to Him everyday with them, no joke. It’s not just Planetshakers but I managed to encounter some pretty some pretty sweet sounds a few weeks before when procrastinating on Youtube (Bethel Musiccccccccccc).

Anyway here are those sweet links that will be too selfish of me not to share!


so gooooooooood


listening to this takes me to a magical place I can just go to heaven


I feel so empowered after listening to this… it makes me feel like I can do anything (I can)

So I should get back to what I’m meant to be doing, being the good student I should be.

I should add, I’m back to some fasting too. First one was a success so second round here we go 🙂

I promise after this assignment I’ll be back with more posts and music and shindigs.

Leaders Retreat

12 years ago, a shy 9 year old girl stepped into Sunday School for the first time, she learnt about God and the love He had for her. She knew He was almighty but there was always a sense of timidity and fear in her heart that were barriers to her courage.

Fast forward a few more years, she was still shy. Mingling with people were never her strongest trait, people never really approached her but little did she know it was the barrier she created that repelled the friendships she could have made. The barrier made her hate the people in church, she felt the world was against her and the church was an enemy… she couldn’t accept the fact that God and the church came together. She loved God but the church could never be her friend and she couldn’t be friends with the church.

Yesterday, I returned from a church leaders retreat. I was laying in bed on the first night of the retreat thinking to myself… oh my gosh I’m a leader in a church. Even though I’ve been at the church for 2 years now, I still have moments like these that makes me feel gobsmacked at my current position. Though it makes me uneasy as I get flashbacks of the mistakes I’ve made, it made me also realized how far I’ve come, from the little shy girl I used to be.

It wasn’t and instant transformation and I still have struggles with the barriers I’ve made for myself. The barriers I made for myself made me feel safe, the concept of “sharing” in church (as in the forms of telling stories about your life) still daunted me… ironically I own a blog. I’m not that enthusiastic worship or youth leader who hops around people questioning the lives of people and exposing their own. I was a kids leader who was there to facilitate and inspire young lives the way God did for me, in more of a background work sort of way.

We were in groups in one of the sessions where we were told to go around in a circle for prayer requests. It came to my turn and my mind went blank despite being in this position for about a 100 times in the past couple of years since coming back to church. “Pass” I said, as people went around the circle for backache and shoulder pain healing requests.

All of a sudden as the prayer circle started, one of the older members interrupted and pointed to me, “I don’t really know your name, but God tells me that He wants you to learn how to trust in him, trust in the Lord with all your heart and He’ll make your paths straight.” I’ve heard that Proverbs verse many times, my favourite one of all time in fact. I do trust Him… but why do I need to be reminded? Sometimes reminders to me is a reminder to myself that I’m incapable of reminding myself stuff, which annoys me.

Prayers continued on for the girl with no prayer requests and then, a second elderly member said, “I have a vision for you, a vision of an upward spiral, it’s not an easy road that God will take you, but if you trust His ways, you will always head upwards.” Not that I didn’t already know that I’m taking the tough route in my life, another reminder that my life is… hard.

But it’s these hardships and tests that God builds me to take me to higher places. As much as I occasionally still beat up myself with those mistakes I’ve made in those flashbacks, they happened for a reason. I don’t know many of them yet but I only know it is God’s will and part of His plan. It took years to beat some of those barriers down but I felt some of it being knocked down as the group prayed for me, it took seconds.

A normal person who finds out that life ain’t gonna be easy would probably beat themselves up even more, a normal person who sees their peers moving on into the next phase of their lives while she stays back for another 5 years to attempt to new course will feel ashamed, a normal person who sees a crush being taken away by a close friend will be heartbroken.I feel at peace, surprisingly.

I feel at peace, surprisingly but not. I have never been more excited for a season so unconventional to the way I was brought up to believe, a season that was meant to be daunting for me. But the comfort of knowing that my buddy Jesus is gonna be next to me in this upward spiral gives me that peace and hope, knowing everything will be okay and maybe even better.

Lord, you made that terribly timid girl a leader, You must have seen things I couldn’t see and even now, it sometimes still seems a blur to me.. whatever the reason was or is. But, I am still your daughter and love you the same as I always did despite the times I’ve rebelled. You’ve been merciful and still give me the things I have today. I trust you with all my heart and am excited for this new adventure we’re going together because you’ve always been the best teammate I could ever ask for in life. We are on this upward adrenaline filled spiral of life that will take us places. Let’s go!

Vietnam

Ho Chi Minh City/Saigon

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Never had I been so intrigued and amazed at warfare until visiting Cu Chi Tunnels. Not the blood and death part, but the survival of the soldiers and the perseverance they had during the war. The Vietcong… are just brutal bad ass people in both good and a bad way but I am mindblown just by everything from that visit.

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Mekong

By far some of the best food I’ve eaten on the trip. It was just that bomb of a sweet ball that I tried, pretty much the highlight of that place. Unfortunately I didn’t bring my camera along to the river due to safety reasons…

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Oh temple visits too..IMG_3871

Saigon

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Apparently Angelina Jolie ate here. Authentic food.

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In Secret

Just a little background music of my current fav worship song while you read

As you know.. I’ve been fasting. And struggling… with fasting.

Fasting is suppose to come with prayer. Which I admit, was only consistent for only the first 3 days. Then the hunger started to kick in and each time it did, I get edgy and moody and tend to sleep earlier or more. My tolerance level went lower for everything and my mood for studying just went down. My brother thinks I’m crazy to pick the exam period as a time of fasting, so does my dad.. and maybe you.

I’ve been avoiding meet ups with friends at night as they come with food. I know we’re suppose to fast in silence and keep in a secret as God is the only one who is supposed to know, but I didn’t want my friends to think I was starving so I told them anyway, on Day 2. Thankfully… somehow, either they have memory issues or it was meant to be, they forgot that I was fasting again and they were offering me popcorn during movie night the very next day. That was the last time I was out at night. No more.

Sunday came, I was off-duty for kids church due to my exams (such a kind boss). I honestly had this temptation to wag church since I didn’t need to be there anyway (for duty calls). But something didn’t seem right if I skipped, which was obviously due to the fasting, so I went anyway.

The message was “Don’t Stop Rowing“, by one of our church elders. Telling us the importance of spending alone time with God and I quote..

Jesus spends some time alone with God and so must I

He emphasised alone. I thought to myself, that’s easy… I love being alone and I always and love praying alone anyway. He was telling us basically that prayer meets and groups were not enough. I subconsciously thought this was something aimed towards the more extroverted part of the congregation.

I went home. Next minute for devotions… I got the same message on ODJ about Saving SolitudeCoincidence much?

I felt like it should be something to blog about. But morning came and I got distracted with stuff and went shopping with mum and lunch with my friend. I decided to scroll on Instagram and then…

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WHO’S WATCHING | How many times have we given to the needy or practiced a random act of kindness without status updating it on Facebook? How often do we sit alone at church and spend time with God, secretly hoping that your pastor walks in and sees you? Could it be that we don’t believe that God is watching when we give to the needy and that He isn’t listening when we pray hence seeking the validation of man for our good deeds? When Jesus teaches us how to pray, the first thing He mentions is to go into our rooms and shut the door. It’s not easy to sit in an empty room and pray if you don’t believe that God is present and listening. However if we truly do believe that He is, we wouldn’t feel the need for our prayer times to be noticed by people for we are only robbing ourselves of God’s reward, far greater than the reward of man. Pray in secret and receive God’s reward in full today. #sundaysermon #heartbeatchurch #matthew6vs6 #dailydevotions #oneonetime

A photo posted by Sonia Lee (@thesonilee) on Nov 1, 2015 at 10:29pm PST

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Okay…

God is definitely trying to tell me something.

Yes I do pray alone. Very good at that and I absolutely suck at group prayer. But..

I’m not praying enough

At this moment of fasting, I should be praying more than I should be. I was fasting and praying for a purpose, I should be consistent. My physical hunger should also represent my spiritual hunger and be filled by the spirit. I shouldn’t be venting on others and blaming my moods on hunger, it’s like a direct blame towards God. When clearly… me.

I know if you’re a non-believer you must believe I’m crazy as. This girl must be fasting as a disguise for dieting. I do admit though, I stepped on the scales and it did drop in the first few days but it’s climbing back up again (honestly no idea why). I shouldn’t be focussed on the scales and it was never my intention in the first place, my intention was to find my purpose in life. Which I have yet to find.

God will satisfy this hunger I have. He will lead me and guide me. Jesus did it for 40 days. I am a daughter of Christ and with Him by my side, I can too.

There will be better plans

My heart sank when I saw the email. I dreaded checking the email because I feared the outcome, true enough, it came to life.

I thought I should give an update of my yesterday’s cries, unfortunately like everyone else, we pray for a happy ending and expect a happy ending through prayer because.. “if God is for us, what can stand against us..” right?

Well, I didn’t get my 10%.

The lecturer pretty much bluntly told be that deadline means DEADLINE. I understand his perspective, if he was to give me marks he would have to give everyone else and thats not fair to those who did submit on time.

This doesn’t mean I do not believe in miracles, this doesn’t mean I’ve completely lost my faith in everything and what holds for me. Like I said, this is not and can’t be.. my fight. It’s useless to fight with a hard-headed American man.

I thought I should say, though I was reluctant to, that I’m doing a 40 day fast. All these events unfolded since Day 1 of my fast. It’s like the devil is truly testing me. I wanted to do this Fast and Pray thing for a while, I heard people doing it and my mother did it too. I desperately need a new lease in my life and somehow or rather, I felt like I should end my postponing of it and go straight in, even though it’s exams period and I need brainfood.

No solid foods after 6pm. It’s my first time doing some kind of fast. I wanted to fast Facebook but I got myself into so much trouble after my deactivation as I was an event creator of one of my church fundraiser events and the whole thing with 300 over invites went down.

It may sound easy for some of you. But I love food, my mouth is always in a constant chewing motion, my mum calls it an “itchy mouth”. The first day I did it, I could hear the stomach performing and orchestra 2 hours after my smoothie. Okay, my reflex action would be to grab some cookies and biscuits. oh my goodness but I can’t….

It was so hard. The temptation was real. Everyone says food fasting is for experienced fasters… oh gosh.

Day 1: I was internally crying.
Day 2: I went to bed early to prevent the feelings of wanting food.
Day 3… well today is Day 3.

I’m having a Young Adults meet tonight and it involves food. But this verse I came across in Day 1 made me wonder if it was something I should reveal to the others around me…

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

  • Mathew 6:16-18

Well then.. God knows. It’l be pretty obvious if I tell them I don’t want to eat, or they will worry I’ve contracted some eating disorder (which happened before when I declined food). I’m not skinny I tell you, I’m actually bigger than average girls my height, I still don’t know why they’d worry.. but it’s also nice to know they care for my health.

I’ve decided to fast lunch. NO SOLIDS FOR THE WHOLE OF MID DAY. Just got myself a Boost smoothie… lets see how we’ll last.

I heard my youth pastor said this once, “God doesn’t answer our prayers sometimes because there are greater things and greater plans..” May not be the exact quote but it’s somewhere along those lines.

Happy Wednesday people. Try not to be upset. If I’m not, you shouldn’t be. God is with you I promise, even if you can’t feel it, He is.

Fight for me God

My whole body is spinning. There is a chance of me right now losing a whole 10% of my subject grade because I did not log onto the internet. By the time I logged back on, there was a ruthless message with a clear NO MERCY tone in it.

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I wanted to cry (again). I texted my parents telling them that all hope is lost. I missed the first chance and second chance. NO NEGOTIATIONS.

Mum said to submit a pity email and that God will give a chance

I did.

I don’t know the outcome. It’s terrible. The feeling is terrible, 10 marks means a lot to me, it determines a pass or fail.

I’m just praying so hard. I don’t know how to fight anymore. I feel so scared the lecturer will not see my email amongst the midst of probably a 100 other slacker students who are appealing for his mercy. But this verse came into my mind

The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.

  • Exodus 14:14

I have no power. The lecturer is a ruthless American. But God has won wars unimaginable. If God helped David slay, He will help me. I am just praying with all my strength, for God to hear my prayer, for God to please fight for me.

With all that is currently going on in my life, I just need this simple prayer answered. I really need to know that everything is okay, that everything will be alright.

Please Jesus please

Library Feels

Currently waiting for my lecture to load in the local library and this is the downloading speed

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Not quite the start I wanted for the morning. I woke up at 7.30am, ready to start SWOTVAC (aussie study vacation, it’s not even a vacation). I know I haven’t been the best student this semester even though I needed to be, I spent it on worrying what I was gonna be in the future instead of studying hard. I let all of it get the better of me, now 3 weeks to the exam with 2 assignments due, I realized the urgency to finally get my shit together (which is pretty late) and then the internet gives me this.

I want to cry.

But no, I won’t cry.

I have a policy, my own little policy with myself that I don’t cry in public (unless it is from laughing…  that’s uncontrollable).

To top it off, there’s a crazy old lady not far away, talking on the phone in loudspeaker VERY LOUDLY, talking about her blood bank issues and blood problems. She got told off by the librarian, she nodded her head and continued the phone call, this time WHISPERING LOUDLY into a STILL A LOUDSPEAKER PHONE CALL.

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Thank God, some brave boy walked up to her and told her straight-up to put it back to normal mode and insisted he’s trying to study. Thank you brave boy, your deeds are very much appreciated.

I really need the peace and focus today. I need it so bad.

God please, Please, PLease PLEase, PLEAse, PLEASE…

Help me and deliver me from this disorder I am in… In Jesus Name.

Take The Wheel

I’m not really big on country music but I love Carrie Underwood. It was this very song that made me love her. I had it on my old iPod before it crashed and my iTunes library got lost last year and I had to redownload all my music again, this song got lost in the process.

Being the freebie sucker I am… I was browsing OzBargain when procrastinating from studying the test which I just did (which I really hope I pass with God’s grace), I found a deal on GooglePlay where Carrie Underwood’s album was up for free. I’m a Mac user, so honestly if I ever saw GooglePlay I don’t bat an eyelid but “Carrie Underwood” caught my eye. I opened and lo and behold… I found the song. I downloaded it and synced it to my iPod straightaway.

I listened to the song on the bus ride home. All the feels.

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Really. Hits you right in the feels, especially if you’re going through uncertain times… like I am. To suddenly plop a free Carrie Underwood in my hands, with a song like this… not coincidental.

I’m swapping uni courses. Possibly universities. I don’t know which or what but I know for sure I’m not happy where I am. I used to think being in Australia’s top university, I was set for life. I’m far from set right now, to be honest, I don’t know where I am or heading to.

My standard of failure before uni life was passing. Now my passes aren’t even reachable, my fails were actual fails and every time I had to do and exam or submit an assignment, I feel the anxiety creep in. 12 years of schooling and education, I’ve never felt that way before, exams actually got me excited (no joke). I feel happy completing an exam or test and I actually have the mood to celebrate.

Now a days, pre-exam and post-exam feelings are equally as depressing. When I tell people where and what I’m studying, they tell me I’m a smart kid. Yea I was probably smart enough to get in, but now I’m not even smart enough to stay in it. Being in this course actually makes me feel like a failure, and its a feeling I’ve been having for the past 2 years. I’m sick of it.

I came from a school where the course and the name of your institution matters. I came from a social circle where the type of course you’re sets your future. It is such a set, traditional mindset. I’ve tried my best to cut the fit but clearly it is not working.

Last month, I reopened VTAC for the first time since Year 12. Old Year 12 memories and the voices of my high school teachers swarmed my memories, “Your parents paid so much money to send you to this school not to end up in Deakin or Latrobe.” (I always hated that teacher to be honest, she hated me too) It really influenced a lot of the decisions my peers and I made, half my friends ended up in the same uni, I honestly felt like I didn’t leave high school.

If I ended up in Monash or Melbourne Uni again, I’ll be seeing a lot my peers from my old school. With that classic advice from my old high school teachers, 50% of the girls from my cohort ended up in those 2 universities, 30% overseas,  20% rebels.

I need a new start.

I want to start a new leaf.

I don’t know what course I’m doing yet

But Jesus take the Wheel, Take me from this road I’m on.

I don’t know what I want. But I know He knows, I know He will make me happy. If He chooses for me, I’ll be happy. For the first time in my life, I’m not setting my own future, I’m letting God decide.

I’ll wait till January 2016 to find out.

Miss you Piau Ko

It’s about a month since we heard the news. We still miss you more than ever.

It’ll be very hard to fill that hole you had left us with.

Your joy and energy is something that cannot be replaced.

Still trying to come to terms with why God had to take you so soon.

Rest in Peace Piau…

Your memories will always be in our hearts, always alive.