I’ve restarted my non-beginner ballet classes again at The Australian Ballet! I was so excited that saturday morning, I normally took the Thursday night classes when the school is pretty quiet and the students will be just us adult casual ballerinas.
But this time, I actually got a glimpse into the studio where the Artistic Director of the company, David Mcallistor was giving a class! Can you believe that? I couldn’t. I just stood outside transfixed at everything, taking in all that I could in the presence of ultimate dance greatness. The girls gave out a graceful masculine aura, the boys the same. I’ve only seen boy ballerinas on screen, never live and this time I actually got to see them in practice.
I had my existing teacher from my previous classes, Jane Casson.
She was a soloist in the company and she just retired because of the birth of her child. Having a company dancer as your teacher is a big deal (well for me it is), I feel so blessed, hyped and amazed at this opportunity. Making the situation better was that she remembers my name, my name, my name. I have this incredibly hard asian name and no one ever gets it right, everyone forgets me after because it just takes so much effort to remember but Jane Casson remembers me.
The first lesson was amazing. I felt my whole body work, the soreness and aches came in a good way. I know I have been getting a lot of comments from my family and friends on getting back to ballet after my ACL, but nothing gives me so much joy. I admit my knee still hurts now and then but it is my cross to carry and I accept it. I am glad and grateful I managed to go through a surgery to make it better, the healing will come its way in God’s time. The fact I still am able to jump around and do my splits, I am already grateful that the fall God gave me was just a minor one.
He only took a minor part of my gift away, He still left a spark in there for me. It’s up to me how I use it and how much I am going to trust Him on this journey to make me better, because I know He will.
It’s been some crazy few weeks since I came back from my holiday. Withdrawal syndromes and getting back to routine, feeling depressed and happy feels, it’s been ups and downs. I know I had a couple of posts that were pretty emo, I was emo I admit but I realized I’ve been highlighting a bit too much negative stuff. It’s really unfair to the God that has provided so much for me in the midst of all this. He does the little things to me to let me know
Hey I’m still here yoo
Anyways there’s been heaps but I’m dedicating this to the
Bucket List Prayer
Remember the bucket list post I did a couple posts back? I mentioned about going on a Mission Trip. It’s been something I wanted to go at least once in a lifetime. I wanted to do something big for God and just help and give to others in general. In my head, it was somewhere in the future maybe after university or something I might do solo or whatever. Well, the very next they at church, you wouldn’t believe it but the youth pastor came up to me and asked “Hey would you be interested in going on a Mission Trip?”
WHAT. I mean what are the odds, God has never answered a prayer with that speed before, not for something that big. Mission Trip seemed like a big thing for me. I know God can read my mind 24/7 but wooooah that quick a response is like Yo what have I been telling you.. I LIVE IN YOUR MIND. (No it’s not scary, not trying to scare anyone and I am not possessed).
So yes I wasn’t prepared for such a fast response that suddenly fear crept in and I don’t know why. Those insecure questions came up like
Are you even ready? You’re so insecure already in church and you want to go overseas to do whaat? I don’t think you’re ready.. it’s too soon.. way too soon. You’ve got to be kidding me, you can’t even speak through a mic and stand on stage.
The pastor gave me a week to think things over. To me giving me time means giving me time to think more nonsense. But God bless the birthday present I was given by my new church friend
Yes it’s a book! I’m halfway through and it’s been an amazing journey so far! (I’ll do a book review once I’m done). Well God seemed to be communicating to me through Furtick the Amazebalz because during the week I read something about Fear, which was pretty much what I was going through. It was the Chatterbox the Evil that was trying to pull me back.
Pretty much it was my Fimage ~Fear of Image. Something I learnt at Supercamp. I was fearing everything and it was hindering me from getting my bucketlist done.
I am ready.
If God says I’m ready, I am ready.
I told the pastor today I can do it. They were still trying to convince me to go and I was like, I’m sold, I’ve been sold since midweek when I figured it out.
Yesterday in Melbourne, we experienced 4 seasons in a day. First it was gloomy in the morning, then towards the afternoon the clouds vanished and the sun shone piercing rays with the sole aim to blind eyes, at night it hailed and snowed (literally), the freeway was white and for reals… it never snows in Melbourne.
It made me reflect, on myself, my seasons, my characters. (I sound bipolar but I’m not really) I know the common saying of “People Change”, some like it, some don’t. But if we never changed, we never grew and we will never grow. We have to change at a certain point and I know for certain biologically we do, we will never be this healthy with the same enthusiasm in the future. We grow old and yes science is trying it’s very best to try and defy that but lets see how they go.
Last night I was rummaging through my 101 paper bags I had unpacked from moving houses early this year, I found the award and the only boarding house award I had in my whole stay there
Little Miss Chatterbox
I was completely shocked. I remembered but I completely forgot, it was like that season and that chunk of my life I enjoyed the most and I couldn’t believe I forgot about the award. I loved boarding school, don’t get me wrong I never forgot about it but I forgot who I really was while I was there. The bubbly chatterbox, the life of the party, the loud idiot, the one that made people laugh. It was the Chatterbox season.
During my preteen years, as I was transitioning from a child to teenager, there was this wave of shyness that swept across me. I was shy and I stammered in public. My piano teacher was annoyed with the fact I was so quiet. She told my mother to send me to drama classes and in group music class she would repeatedly tell me to repeat myself. My first time in church youth group, my friend wasn’t there, no one welcomed me and I was awkward and shy. I hid in the toilet cubicle staring at floor tiles for 2 hours. My parents weren’t christian. I lived in a family home with a Buddhist uncle and Buddhist idols. I was going to Sunday School on Sundays because apparently it will help my character. I labelled my “Religion” columns in my forms as a “Bu-Christ” – half buddhist half christian. It was the Insecure season.
I hit 13 and went to secondary school. Still awkward and shy in piano class, still weird corner girl in church, still “Bu-Christing”. The new school and new friends will sound like a nightmare for a girl like me. But I met Her in school. The girl who invited me to her church camp (a church I’ve never been) and ditched me (for legit reasons) in the morning of the camp. I accepted Christ in this camp. I chopped my insecurity. In school I thrived, I was acing classes (to be honest because the kids were dummer). My confidence soared. I was smart girl and I loved it. Aced GCSEs with 10As (okay maybe I was a bit smart). It was Smart Season.
Smart Season brought me to Chatterbox Season where I was enrolled into a boarding school filled with smarter smarts, it was there when I realized I was only smart because the others were dum because these kids here… were REALLY SMART AND HARDCORE.
One thing constant throughout all seasons. My personality at home. The chatterbox lively little girl who loved her ballet and twirled around everywhere. I knew how to throw a good tantrum, I knew how to scream, I knew how to laugh like a possessed person, I am plain crazed kid. Home season was basically a constant chatterbox season because I was myself. The Boarding House became my home, everything that was only exposed to my family slowly started to show. People didn’t really hate me about it. Being in a place where I unconsciously became myself made me happy, it made my time there enjoyable. It became my comfort zone and It became my family.
Then Uni Life came. Moved out of Boarding school. I was suddenly stripped away from alot of my comfort friends. I had to learn how to behave in public again and relearn how to make friends and I found it tough.. very strange for a chatterboxer like me. My friends never believed me at that. My family and I had to search for churches and when my mum finally found one, I had to follow suit. It wasn’t easy and I couldn’t fit in. I found myself curling back to the seasons where I hid in the church bathrooms to avoid people. I saw myself awkward, insecure and always felt someone was judging. Something was very wrong. I failed in my academics too. To me, the Smart Season and Chatterbox Season felt like it never existed and I was spiralling into a state of total confusion.
The sudden appearance of my Boarding House award, it made me reflect on my seasons, how I’ve changed over the years in my life and who I really was. It feels as though God trying to reinforce in my head that I made you this way, you have been strong, chatterbox and smart and lively. He knows the current season I’m in is gloomy and he wants me to change it. He will change it with me and He is my partner in all things. He knows that I’ve had better seasons. He knows I can get back to it and be even better.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
It’s been something I was meaning to do since a while back, but I never really got the time and motivation to put them into words. Uni starts next week and I have 2 days left to my extremely unproductive holiday. I just spent the last few days of my holiday watching Youtube videos, envying my friend’s South American trip, watch Hamish & Andy’s South American trip, watch even more travel videos and read a blog post about the 9 things I should do while I’m single.
I decided, I am still single, this is a blessing, it is imperative that I should do a bucket list before time runs out.
If it does, I don’t really care but my other half will just have to tag along with me and do everything before I get married/havekids or probably drag the kids along. If he doesn’t thats just too bad he’s not on the list.
Here’s the list. I’ll add a few that I’ve done too
Go on a Missions Trip
Ride a Vespa
Ride a Vespa in Rome
Go to Rome
Scuba Dive – Great Barrier
Scuba Dive – Indian Ocean
Scuba Dive – Aquarium
Skiing Not ever again though
Rock Climbing – Mt Arapiles
Rock Climb Grampians
Ride a Segway at just anywhere.. preferably Europe
Learn to ride a unicycle
Go to Keone + Mariel Madrid’s Masterclass to be done hopefully
Get my driver’s license This Friday! hopefully…
Drive that tractor like thing but not a tractor and race in the desert
Go-Karting No one ever gets the hint I want this for my birthday
Hike Grand Canyon
Maybe live in New York just a little while for fun
Lead a Youth Group
Appear in a film
Go to a Broadway in New York
Go to any Broadway
Appear in Broadway
Get my Bachelor Degree
Get my Masters
Go to Japan
Go to Machu Pichhu and see the Lost Vllage
Go to New Zealand
Take a class in a Professional Ballet SchoolThe Australian Ballet yay!
Bring someone to know Christ
Preach a sermon Very far away in the future
Go to Mauritius
Go to the Maldives and AGAIN
Go to Bali
Go to Shanghai
Go to the Great Walland AGAIN
Get a car
Get a job that earns me 5 figures
Give my parents a Holiday
Sit First Class
Summer on a yacht
Meet a celebrity
Switzerland Switzerland Switzerland
Sponsor a child
there will be more to fill
Meet my soulmate
Wedding in a castle
Mum & Dad at Wedding
Be a mother
Send my kids to private school
See my kids get married
Be a Grandmother and tell all my amazing grandbabies about all my adventures
Well, it’s not finished but I hope I’ll be able to achieve most of them and eventually would love to have 47 onwards. They’re not in order but I hope I do everything before 58.
Life would be amazing
Actually anything that God plans for me will be anything, because I know I can do all things with Christ in me.
Life is less depressing now.
Now I can’t wait to get uni started. I wanna get this bucket list gooooing
p/s: Also one of the motivation to do this is because I just came back from my orthopedic surgeon yesterday and that my knee graft is strong with just a small cyclopse lesion (nothing major). This is epic! It’s an all clear to get going with my life and adventures!