I Pray

“I seriously don’t know how you do it, I would be flipping tables right now…”

I was on the phone with my friend, a non-believer. Mid-conversation, my brother enters the room and speaks in a tone which caused a disgruntled argument between us. It all happened so quick that I couldn’t excuse myself from the call and my brother had no idea a call was going on in the background. She heard everything. She was shocked.

The dynamics between every sibling is different. It definitely was between mine and hers. I wouldn’t say the that it is no longer a struggle for me, between my brother and I, it still is and I cope the best way I can (sometimes failing), I try my best to make it not the norm.

I wanted to sugar coat it, say something else and how I cope with life is the same as everyone else. But it isn’t.

My whole life, I hide my faith the best way I can from non-believers with the fear of judgement. It doesn’t help with the recent criticisms of Christians being Bible-Bashers and banning LGBT rights etc… We were being posed as the bad guys in the media. It was anytime but now to be the time to shout about it.

I had always been cautious about my words, how I phrased them when it was relating to my faith, how I cope with life. I tried to make it relatable to everyone else so that there’ll be a bond between us and we could still be friends. I didn’t want to be that Christian friend who is so loud about it and only wants to rope her friends into church.

I was hilariously enough… going on the extreme side. I did not want to admit that I had faith.

Honestly… I pray.

Thats what I told my friend on the phone to the response she gave me.

It was pure honesty on how I get through it, get through life, get through those struggles that continuously appears. To a non-believer, they may think I am talking to some invisible friend and it’s just my way to rant due to my absence of my rant buddies (who left for overseas).

I’m not roping you into my faith, but that’s just how I cope in life. If everyone can express their views freely and what they believe in life, so can I.

God is real to me, He truly is. I rant to Him everyday. I let it out. I know you might find it strange, whether He will answer me immediately like the way the friends on earth do, He does but sometimes He doesn’t. It’s okay if He doesn’t because I have faith, I have faith that He is control and that gives me peace, the peace I need during this storm and the comfort I need through the struggle and the armour in the fight.

“That’s good that you have something constant to lean on Juan… that’s really good. As long as it keeps you strong.”

It does Jac.

The best thing about it is that it’s open to everyone.

I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength – Philippians 4:13


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