If you add up a couple of small flames together, it grows, it rages, it burns. That’s how it damages things. No matter how small the flame is, it will always be moving, waiting for action, waiting for another flame for the rage.
Hence, you can’t fight fire with fire. It builds.
Being an elder sister isn’t easy. Especially when your younger sibling is filled with raging hormones, they’re on fire… all the time. It’s not that they can contain that rage to themselves, it builds on you, sometimes it burns, so hard that it could damage a relationship.
Anything can trigger it to be honest. Sometimes I don’t really know how to handle it anymore. I do admit I’m not a saint. I have my own little flames and rages now and then, plus it doesn’t help much when it happens the same time as my brother.
Simple stuff I have to keep reminding myself to prevent the fire from building..
Leave him alone
It’s hard. As a sister you do care, you want to give that input you can as an elder sibling and hopefully he’ll learn from it. But nah. He just rages. He doesn’t need another mother or father. The more I say, the more he views me as his “enemy” or “third parent”. He rages.
It hurts to know you can’t be his role model. But for the sake of keeping the bridge between us and keeping it from burning, I have to leave him alone. I can only pray. Only God can help him, sometimes I have to accept that it just can’t be from me.
As I said above. It is so important, yet so easily forgotten, because the fire just builds so fast and it gets carried away. The rage can be strong, sometimes too fast too soon. I used to regret so much once the rage happens, I fill myself with guilt and tears. I get scolded by my parents and the fire sometimes even just builds. I’ve learnt the only way to dampen that flame is through prayer. No matter how big the fire gets, the only way I’ve found that has helped diminish it, as cliche as it seems, is through prayer. It doesn’t just put the fire away, it can prevent it. I know that is harder, because we get carried away, however many times it has helped. It takes a lot of strength, and only God can give that strength.
Give time for yourself
It sounds really selfish. But sometimes it’s for the better. I realised the more time I spend with my brother, the more I see his flaws, the more tempted I feel to correct him, the higher the chances on building on the flame. If you don’t give time to yourself and constantly caring about them, it jeopardises your own work. Personal experience, I failed my subjects in uni. I was so welled up in my family’s issues, I neglected my own. Spending more time in the library helped. I learnt to focus on myself. Focussing on yourself sometimes helps, it helps to fix your flaws and it will also help with your relationship with the other person, because we are not always perfect. It takes two to make it happen.
Be the water, not the fire. Be the light, not the dark. It’s hard but it’s worth it. I’m not gonna sugar-coat it and tell you it’s easy, because I know it isn’t. It takes effort to be the better one, but it’s better than not putting effort at all. At least you did your part.
In true Proverbs fashion:
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
– Proverbs 15:18
Sometimes, it’s okay to let it go and let it be. Leave it to the One who knows how.