All that Jazz and Living on a Prayer

I know it looks wild, but the song is currently my anthem.. for my motivation. I’m literally living on a prayer right now, just for my life in general, it’s the only thing I can hold on to and have faith in what I’m doing. Had this song on repeat during my train ride to university…

This song just exudes so much energy, that girlpower, all over that song (a bit of feminist talk here I know). But seriously, I need all that power I can get right now. I need that power to hold on to that faith, that faith is something I need to survive, to have faith that I can pull this through, that God is still with me in this exhausting race that I don’t know when on earth it’s going to finish.

I was having this life debate with my mum this morning, I wouldn’t call it an argument because no shouting or yelling was involved (Thank God), but it has been going on for a while now, especially with the stupid GAMSAT looming over my life this Saturday and I am totally unprepared for it (and going to wing it). I have been really beating myself up the past few days with so much frustration over how unprepped I am for this 9 hour long exam (it’s basically a whole day affair), it’s not even a guarantee I would get into Melbourne University Dentistry and I’m gonna still have to drain my brains and drain my wallet ($400) on that day. So sick of the guilt of signing up for an exam without being prepared for it.

But mum shared with me this verse, the famous verse to run with perseverence.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us – Hebrews 12:1

It slapped me back into perspective. The past couple of weeks since starting uni, I’ve been united with my friends whom I haven’t seen in ages. I’ve been listening to their stories of new breakups, new boyfriends and new crushes… As much as I want to say I don’t care and I’m not affected, it subconsciously did (in very low levels though). I think my mum sort of knew it too like all mothers do, she’s trying to hit me in the head the nicest way possible without being legally arrested. Thank God for the verse because she’s safe from the police now.

I know I’m seeing myself in this sad depressing single life with an unknown future while I see my friends lapping around with multiple potential partners and preparing themselves for graduation and the job scene for next year. But God doesn’t see it that way, and I have to believe and continue to remind myself in my heart that there is a plan for me. He has. He will deliver.

He has given me a lot of provision already, as I look back in my life. Currently, I’m in one of the best universities in the country, a loving family, the opportunity to go overseas and going on mission trips, a church, but am I using them the way He wants me too? He has given me the things I need to succeed in life, yet I feel bleak with the lowest confidence in this race.

I realised the importance of faith and trust. One slip back can make you slide very far away… I do admit, I did a slip. It was just a small slip, but I did not climb back fast enough. I’ve neglected certain things that I shouldn’t have and have beaten myself up mentally for it. But God tells me I shouldn’t.

I want to believe in miracles.
He tells me I can.

No. I have not given up on this race. I won’t. Still going, still having that faith.

Side note

I got into the Jazz team. Things you don’t know about me is that the few things that give me joy besides God’s love is Dance. It’s a blessing that I still managed to be selected with a popped retarded knee. Maybe it’s God telling me that I have strength and He’ll give me strength.

yayyyy. 1st practice also starts todayyy

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